Jonathan: Have you let someone move in right after you slept with them?
George: Yes, three times disastrous.

I'm going to drink as much booze and smoke as much pot as I want. Thank you very much.

George

Ray: You're an idiot!
Jonathan: Thanks for understanding.

Jonathan: It looks like you have your own serial killer.
Ray: At least he's helped with sales.

If he sticks a pencil in my twat and I feel it, I'm going to regret this.

Ray

This isn't a friend of ours that makes custom made voodoo dolls. This is a deranged stalker.

Jonathan

Oh shit. He gave Super Ray a beautiful vagina.

Jonathan

(to Jonathan) So what do you have to do today? Want to spend it in bed?

Nina

Oh this is wonderful!

George

George: Hey, Jonathan told me that you are quite the ladies man nowadays.
Ray: That's right, I've been with two woman since Leigh left me. A drunk and an elf.

Why are you always picking on me? I don't procrastinate. I just like to do things later.

George

George: Oh Ray, Happy Birthday!
Ray: Oh you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did.

Bored to Death Quotes

(to Jonathan) I hope your heart is broken many times because it means you would have loved many times.

Dimitri

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.

George