The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Howard's mother: Speak up!
Howard: From now on she's the only woman who can yell at me!

Raj: Ahh, the premature I love you.
Wolowitz: : I guessed premature, does that count?

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Leonard: Is that your dad?
Wolowitz: If she grows any more hair on her face, yes.

Sheldon: I have noted that Leslie Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming, one can only assume that she's signaling sexual availability.
Wolowitz: I don't know. You guys work in the same lab.
Leonard: So?
Wolowitz: There are pitfalls. Trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law, I'm a bit of a self-taught expert.
Leonard: Look Howard, if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out, it would just be for dinner. I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Wolowitz: Oh, then you're probably okay

Quick question. I missed it in the briefing. How much urine do these suits hold?

Howard: Boy, we're married to a couple of ball busters, huh, Mike?
Bernadette's Dad: That's my wife and daughter you're talking about.
Howard: Great couple of gals.
Bernadette's Dad: I wouldn't go that far.

I think it's like Beetlejuice. We said his name too many times.

Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe?
Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was build by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl.

But if she dumps you, she'll have a new boyfriend by tomorrow morning, and you'll have a new girlfriend when you figure out how to build one.

Howard: Now, I downloaded an app that might be helpful in this situation.
[whip cracks]
Sheldon: You're right. I'm smart as a whip. I should be able to figure this out.

Howard: Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
Sheldon: Don't try to change the subject. This is about a parking space. It has nothing to do with cars.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 323 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon