If you don't leave now, she'll use food and guilt to keep you there the rest of your life.

Raj: This old pen kind of proves gravity. When I tilt it, her bathing suit falls right off.
Howard: Oh, my dad used to have a pen like that. I dated it all through sixth grade.

Raj: I know. Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally, none of it.

Have you told your parents you're dating this short glass of skim milk?

Howard: She spends half the time licking her butt.
Raj: And the other half licking my face.

Wolowitz: Do you like role playing games?
Bernadette: Like in the bedroom or dungeons and dragons?
Wolowitz: Either?
Bernadette: No

Raj: I can see my little princess while I'm at work, right?
Howard: Why can't you just watch porn like a normal guy?

She is gonna break his heart.

No. My mom died.

Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Wolowitz: He's an ass he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

Wolowitz: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow at 4:30, you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
Sheldon: I would snort with derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.

Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!

TBBT Quotes

I just gave you my virginity, woman. Cool your jets!

Sheldon

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.