[Raj whispers in Wolowitz's ear]
Penny: What did he say?
Wolowitz: He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.
Penny: Yeah, and the bag it came in

Wolowitz: I would have caught up to her if I didn't pull my hammy
Raj: Oh please, you weigh 80 pounds, you don't have a hammy

Let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled toucas.

I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong, Jr., so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers

Sheldon: Do you have any idea what it's like to see your mother ravaging someone?
Howard: Does a brisket count?

Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

They're called tattoo sleeves. I bought them online. Raj got a set too. Put them on, have sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced and I can take them off and still be buried in a Jewish cemetery

....I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project. I mean, it's not like either one of us has heart disease.

Bernadette to Howard

Howard: Let me try gangsta: Hells naw.

Howard: A mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.
Amy: So what am I supposed to do now?
Raj: Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring

Raj: You think he bites?
Howard: Stick your hand in there and find out.
Raj: You fooled me with that goat at the petting zoo. You will not fool me again.

Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.