Raj: When stuff like this gets me down, you know what I like to do?
Howard: Sing "Hakuna Matata" like an eight-year-old girl?
Raj: Wrong, smarty-pants. It's "Everything Is Awesome" from The Lego Movie.

Howard's mother: Speak up!
Howard: From now on she's the only woman who can yell at me!

Raj: Ahh, the premature I love you.
Wolowitz: : I guessed premature, does that count?

I mean ... we can have a pants party. Go put some on.

You take this one. I spent an hour last night on 'Why can't vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?'

Leslie: Isn't it nice when your good fortune makes others miserable?
Wolowitz: You know, most people don't get that!

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the horrible side effect of anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.

Leonard: Oh, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard [coughing]: So, is tenure.

Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Wolowitz: He's an ass he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?"
Howard: Yeah.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.