Howard: Attention people of Earth: Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky.

Leonard: I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.
Wolowitz: Wait, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend

Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

Oh look! It's Leonard and R2-D-bag.

Wolowitz: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to absorb her. Then I'd have a mole with hair in it, instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Raj: This might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Howard: How'd you get him to come to your house?
Sheldon: As Professor Proton says, "There is no problem you can't solve if you use your noggin."
Leonard: And, he wrote him a check.
Sheldon: Yeah, that too. A big check.

Howard: I'm not having this conversation with you Ma!
Howard's Ma: God forbid you get one of those new fancy sex diseases!

Wolowitz: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

Bernadette: They throw an actual ball, you were throwing air at a tv.
Howard: For your information, I also threw Leonard a high five.

Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry. And if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she is really disgusted by is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But, that guy doesn't exist anymore; he's gone. And the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.
Penny: Oh my god, Howard! That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Howard: Did we just see you pick up a girl in a comic book store?
Stuart: 'Cause if you did, you get your picture up there on the wall on the Wall of Heroes.

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: I'm not a crybaby.
Penny: Toy Story 3?
Leonard: They were holding hands in a furnace!

Sheldon: I asked myself what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable and three answers came to mind: a toll booth employees, an Apple store genius, and what penny does. Because I don't like touch other peoples' coins and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.