Wolowitz: We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick

Howard: Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
Raj: Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.
Amy: Can I borrow it when you're done?

No. My mom died.

Sheldon: I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?
Raj and Howard: [Both chuckling]
Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?

Bernadette: They throw an actual ball, you were throwing air at a tv.
Howard: For your information, I also threw Leonard a high five.

Hi, I'm the small package good things come in

Wolowitz [to Sumemr Glau]

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Howard: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student.

Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Wolowitz: Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision

Howard: How the hell did a pigeon get in here?
Leonard: You shut the loading doors, right?
Howard: I thought you did.
Leonard: Do you know what a disaster this is?!
Howard: You mean 'cause this room isn't supposed to have dust in it, and we just let in a flying crap machine

Bernadette: You can't just throw everything in the closet.
Howard: Hey, you can tell what to do or you can tell me how to do it, but you can't do both. This isn't sex.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.