Jan Levinson Quotes
Season 5, Episode 4: "Baby Shower"
Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: Ugh.
Stanley: I'm done.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst...
Jan: trid.
Michael: ...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're going to know them for the rest of your life.
Jan: Well...
Michael: [looking at Creed] Well, he may not be here.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 1: "Weight Loss"
Kevin: Hi Jan.
Jan: Hi.
Kevin: How's the candle game?
Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
Jan: Oh, they found her?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 14: "Goodbye Toby"
Jan: If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count.
• Rating: Unrated
Michael: Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy...
Jan: Why?
Michael: Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very...
Jan: Yeah, it did...
Michael: ... proud.
Jan: ... happen when...
Michael: Um...
Jan: ... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad.
Michael: You cheated on me... when I specifically asked you not to?
Jan: ...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.
Michael: Well, okay...
Jan: Yeah.
Michael: So it's mine, and it's not somebody else's, so... I know... the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so...
Jan: I went to a sperm bank.
• Rating: Unrated
Jan: Well it was good to see you.
Kevin: It was great to see you, Jan.
Jan: Yeah, so...
Michael: O-kay. Hello Jan.
Jan: Hello... Michael.
Michael: Wow, Kevin, really? We're- [to Jan] Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here?
Kevin: Yeah, Michael, I just uh...
Jan: I...
Kevin: I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.
Michael: Oh, okay.
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael: Thanks, Kevin. Um...
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 10: "Chair Model"
Michael: Why is it so hard to meet people? I... you know... it's uh... All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?
Margaret: I don't know.
Michael: You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. [holds up cell phone with a picture of Jan] Look at that.
Margaret: She's beautiful.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah, and you can't see her whole body. Down here, she's got a boob job. Just... she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don't know.
Jan [on phone]: Michael? Hello? Michael?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 9: "Dinner Party"
Michael: Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Jan: At least he's an artist.
Michael: BFD. I'm a screenwriter.
Jan: AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!
Michael: NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!
Jan: FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!
Michael: MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!
Jan: YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!
Michael: OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!
Jan: AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!
Michael: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jan: Don't tell me he's really changed since you guys dated.
Pam: Are you joking?
Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Mmm.
• Rating: Unrated
Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close.
Angela: So you keep a very tidy house.
Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.
Pam: No. Yeah. What?
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 54