Jeff: I took a bullet for ya.
Susie: Well it was a bike, technically.

Waiter: I am the waiter.
Larry: Yet we were the ones waiting, so we became the waiters.
Jeff: This man's a hero. He just revolutionized the way restaurants work my friend. No one's gonna go hungry again.

What do you mean you want a helicopter ride?

Jeff: You're shittin' where you eat.
Larry: That's right. I'm shitting where I eat.

You know what you are? You're a social assassin.

He has no balls. I have a solid single ball.

Everybody's getting a chance to get divorced except me.

Larry: Guy pulls up to me on a motorcycle. Guess who it turns out to be?
Jeff: Portia De Rossi.

What the fuck were you thinking!? A picture of Bush, who gives a flying fuck! I'd fuck her with a Bush mask on!

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