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Jeff: I took a bullet for ya.
Susie: Well it was a bike, technically.

Waiter: I am the waiter.
Larry: Yet we were the ones waiting, so we became the waiters.
Jeff: This man's a hero. He just revolutionized the way restaurants work my friend. No one's gonna go hungry again.

What do you mean you want a helicopter ride?

Jeff: You're shittin' where you eat.
Larry: That's right. I'm shitting where I eat.

You know what you are? You're a social assassin.

He has no balls. I have a solid single ball.

Everybody's getting a chance to get divorced except me.

Larry: Guy pulls up to me on a motorcycle. Guess who it turns out to be?
Jeff: Portia De Rossi.

What the fuck were you thinking!? A picture of Bush, who gives a flying fuck! I'd fuck her with a Bush mask on!

Larry: (on Antoinette) Her boyfriend broke up with her, and frankly, I'd like to do the same.
Jeff: Why don't you fire her?
Larry: I can't.
Jeff: Why not?
Larry: Because she knows everything about me. She knows my dietary habits. She knows all about my web of lies and bullshit and deceit.

Larry: How long do you think I'd want to do that for?
Jeff: I don't know? All night long, I would assume.
Larry: It gets boring, come on.
Jeff: Fucking's boring?!

Larry: I waved to a guy in a Prius and he didn't wave back.
Jeff: I don't wave to people in the same car as me.
Larry: We're Prius drivers; we're a special breed.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 40 in total

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Cheryl: Well, I think you should write a letter of apology to him.
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"