Jeff: I'm actually a Spanish tutor.
Britta: Can you say that in Spanish now?

Sorry, I was raised on TV. I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50 is a mentor of some kind.

There's a guy trying out for the track team that is older than the game of poker.

I did a little bit of lying to get close to you. I mean, you look like Elisbaeth Shue.

The Dean: I thought you had a degree from Columbia.
Jeff: Yes, and now I need to get one from America.

The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was less than legitimate.

Community Quotes

Abed: If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor--
Professor Hickey: I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and only travel at night. But please--I have some work to do here.

Being a Virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of, you're like a unicorn.

Shirley [to Annie]