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Jonathan: Have you let someone move in right after you slept with them?
George: Yes, three times disastrous.

Ray: You're an idiot!
Jonathan: Thanks for understanding.

Jonathan: It looks like you have your own serial killer.
Ray: At least he's helped with sales.

This isn't a friend of ours that makes custom made voodoo dolls. This is a deranged stalker.

Oh shit. He gave Super Ray a beautiful vagina.

Jonathan: Now you want a spanking?
Nina: Don't break character.

Oh my God. His story is about me.

Dermatologist: I've never used a PI before.
Jonathan: That's okay, most of my clients are virgins.

(to George) Strip down and I'll be back to shave your pubic zone.

Nurse

We were just projecting our love for you onto each other.

We only leaned.

Ransom for a dog?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 69 in total

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.

George

I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.

Jonathon