In my heart, I'm a vegan. In my mouth, I lack discipline.

Leah: Her name's Allison. She's a radical vegan.
Lisa: I know a lot of radical vegans. She must be really lonely.

Jonathan: Where's Ray?
Leah: He's in the bathroom masturbating.
Jonathan: What?
Ray: I'm almost done. Just three more tugs.

Claudia Worth: Are you a man or a boy?
Jonathan: Well... what's the difference?
Claudia Worth: With a man, you feel like you're being taken, and you like it. And with a boy, you feel like they're stealing something from you, and you don't like it.

Jim Jarmusch: So I really loved your novel. Dark, funny, perverted, beautiful. You must really suffer from the terrifying clarity of your vision.
Jonathan: Thank you. I do suffer. Thank you.

(to Jonathan) Lives don't change. We simply become more comfortable with our core misery, which is a form of happiness.

Dr. Worth

Dr. Worth: Sounds to me you're leading a double life.
Jonathan: I think that I am. I'm like a Russian doll. There's all these versions of me in me.
Dr. Worth: There's only one you. And he's running away from his life.

Jonathan: Why was [Priscilla] your best wife?
George: Everything with her is as intimate as kissing. I never really got over it. Most orgasmic woman I've ever been with.

Yousef: (looking at Jonathan's black eye then to Ray) Lovers quarrel?
Jonathan: Ummm...more or less.

Jonathan: God, that's the biggest herpes blister I've ever seen in my life.
George: Thank you. I'm very proud of it.

Jonathan: Oh my God, what the hell happened to your lip? You were stung by a bee?
George: Yes. A bee with herpes.

(Jennifer suspecting her boyfriend is cheating)
Jonathan: Are you sure?
Jennifer: That's what my therapist said. 'Are you sure?' Yes, I'm sure! God, it's like I'm surrounded by Holocaust deniers. It happened. I'm sure!