And by the way, if I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn't I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!

Kreiger

Maybe I didn't go to some fancy-pancy Ivy League med school, and maybe I didn't go to some other med school, even the one down in Grenada which was my fall-back but whatever, that doesn't give you the right to bully me! I have had it!

Pam: I was voted best milker!
Krieger: Me too!
Everyone: Eww.

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Krieger: I've been working on miniaturization for years!
Cyril: Krieger, those were shrinky dinks.
Krieger: It's the same principle!

Krieger: Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
Cheryl: But Doctor, I thought the patient was getting the hand.
Krieger: Speaking of hands, Nurse, I'm -
Cheryl: Overplaying yours?
Krieger: Well I was gonna say "putty in yours" m'dear but I'll have to hand it to ya!
Cheryl: Hmm - keep your hands to yourself, Doctor.
Cyril: Can we have a show of hands? Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
Ray: Goddammit!! Can you please shut up - and sew on my robot hand!

Pam: How do you not murder her every day?
Krieger: I do!

Pam: No! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it.
Krieger: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.

Archer: Where's Lana?
Krieger: I'm not even 100% sure where I am right now. (gets shot with a tranquilizer for the 3rd time by Archer)
Archer: (to tranquilizer gun) You are my new favorite thing


Lana: What is it, soup?
Ray: Define soup.
Lana: Would it be safe to assume that no one wants to drink what's in your thermos?
Krieger: Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!

Krieger: That's what they said about Tesla's deathray! So this favor. Lana...wait Lana, what's this favor?!
Lana: (as she's running away) Just promise to use your powers for good.
Krieger: Hahahah, no

That wasn't a brain chip. That was a just a sticker of the backpack of a little Lego spaceman.

Krieger: I am a doctor.
Ray & Cyril: No you're not.
Krieger: Well, no, but a student of life.

Archer Quotes

I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

Pam

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?