Leela: There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert. What about her?
Professor Farnsworth: Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies. See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? Talk about a cloaca shrinker.

Bender: No robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine! And no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow!
Leela: Those injustices don't even exist.
Bender: Then let's find some that do!

Zoidberg: I'm Dr. Zoidberg I'm very important.
Leela: Hey Zoidberg you forgot to empty this trash can!

Bender: I gotta mope things over for a while.
Fry: What's happening?
Leela: I don't know. I think he's shuffling off sadly in the distance.
Fry: Oh lord.

Leela: I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!
Professor Farnsworth: Oh now, now, we've all been there.

Leela: Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all natural.
Professor Farnsworth: So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes! [Lights up carrot, smokes it]

Well, we lost to all our opponents. Even that team that turned out to be us in the mirror.

Leela: Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes?
Amy: And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two Rockettes to death? Yeah, why do you bring that up? Oh!

Amy: I love your boots, Leela! Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs!
Leela: How could you tell?
Amy: I guessed!

I will shove you in a filthy nursing home so fast, you won't know what hit you! Probably a filthy nurse!

Leela: It's time to get on with your life.
Morris: But she was my life:
Bender: Awww.
Fry: [silence]
Leela: [silence]
Bender: What?

Leela: The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times.
Munda: I know, he showed me the commemorative painting.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 517 in total

Futurama Quotes

Farnsworth: (on the phone) Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well then. (hangs up) Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.
Leela: Was his apartment rent-controlled?

Fry: Bender, what is it?
Bender: Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.
Fry: It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

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