Lindsay: Come on, Michael. Who knows how long our parents are going to be around?
Michael: Yeah, well, I got to tell you. I was over at her place today, and she looked a little frail to me. She was having trouble even lifting up this bag of groceries. All right, we will do the surprise party.

Michael: Where the (bleep) was everybody?
Gob: What are you talking about?
Michael: Mom's party. Where were you guys?
Gob: It's the first I've heard about it.
Michael: What about you? Neiman's?
Lindsay: Prison. Then Neiman's. But only because I'm going back to prison, and they've already seen me in this.

Tobias: I would be happy to play Adam. Uh, I'd prefer a speaking part.
Lindsay: Please don't speak for the rest of the meeting.
Tobias: Zing!

Lucille: Barry's very good.
Lindsay: He's an idiot.

Lindsay: Maeby, where have you been?
Maeby: You left me at home. You do remember you have a daughter, right?
Tobias: Uh, yes. Uh, of course we remember, and we were worried sick, young lady. She's fine. Our daughter is all right.

Lucille: Lupe, there are some juice glasses on the sofa table.
Lindsay: Oh, Mama, I'll help you clean up. (to Lupe) There are some salad plates on the piano.

Lindsay: Fine. I'll ask Michael. He'll give it to me.
Lucille: Well, maybe if you get him drunk. It's the only way he'll give money to someone who calls his "stay-in-bed-mom..."
Lindsay: He said that about me?
Lucille: I know it was harsh, but, you know, he thinks you're completely irresponsible. A stay-in-bed mom. Probably because you don't work, and you're lazy. Oh ... his words.

Lindsay: No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.
Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

Lindsay: Yeah. So did I. And now I hear you're telling our mother that I'm completely irresponsible and a stay-in-bed mom?
Michael: That doesn't even sound like me. That sounds like Mom. Or Bruce Vilanch. Could be Bruce Vilanch.

Lindsay: She's always trying to get me to admit that my marriage isn't working.
Michael: So, how's it going with you and Tobias?
Lindsay: It's not working.

Lindsay: He's a never-nude.
Michael: Is that exactly what it sounds like?

Lindsay: My thing with Tobias was a secret, like you stealing your brother's girlfriend, you little weasel. I mean, I open up to you, you run off and tell Mommy.
Michael: Excuse me. Excuse me! Outside, please. Thank you. Pardon us. Like it wasn't just a bunch of lies to get me to pay that debt, huh? Isn't that why you got me drunk in the first place?

Arrested Development Quotes

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.