Maeby: Are you really going to whore yourself out like that?
Lindsay: I am not a whore.
Maeby: Yeah, you're a whore.

Okay, so you figured it out Gene Parmesan.

I'm surrounded by squalor and death and I still can't be happy.

Tobias: Everyone thinks I'm gay?
Lindsay: I mean, it's kind of a running joke...in the family.

So where do you keep your ostriches?

Lindsay: I really love you, Tobias.
Tobias: Oh Lindsay. We have got to get you to that acting clinic.
Lindsay: And that was with me picturing fudge.

Lindsay: It's cute on me. But I thought it was supposed to say 'Kate.'
Salesman: Oh no. Anything under a small is considered a 'David Spade.'

Lindsay: Oh my God! Did we just hit something? Shouldn't we stop?
Indian woman: No, it wasn't a cow. It was just a tourist.

Tobias: I believe we're thinking the same thing. Let's give it another shot...
Lindsay: Yeah. We should end it.
Tobias: ...to the head. Kill it. Yes.

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