Maeby: Are you really going to whore yourself out like that?
Lindsay: I am not a whore.
Maeby: Yeah, you're a whore.

Okay, so you figured it out Gene Parmesan.

I'm surrounded by squalor and death and I still can't be happy.

Tobias: Everyone thinks I'm gay?
Lindsay: I mean, it's kind of a running joke...in the family.

So where do you keep your ostriches?

Lindsay: I really love you, Tobias.
Tobias: Oh Lindsay. We have got to get you to that acting clinic.
Lindsay: And that was with me picturing fudge.

Lindsay: It's cute on me. But I thought it was supposed to say 'Kate.'
Salesman: Oh no. Anything under a small is considered a 'David Spade.'

Lindsay: Oh my God! Did we just hit something? Shouldn't we stop?
Indian woman: No, it wasn't a cow. It was just a tourist.

Tobias: I believe we're thinking the same thing. Let's give it another shot...
Lindsay: Yeah. We should end it.
Tobias: ...to the head. Kill it. Yes.

Stan Sitwell: Five percent? Lucille actually gave you less than her natural children.
Lindsay: I hope that's not a crack about my hair color, lips, forehead, nose and teeth because at least I'm not the wearing a round sweater set on my face.

Michael: So, you just finished off the bottle?
Lindsay: Well, I had to. It's vodka, you know. It goes bad once it's opened.
Michael: I think that's another one of mum's little fibs. You know, like, I'll sacrifice anything for my children.

Michael: So, there's going to be wine at the rehab, huh?
Lindsay: Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.
Michael: (to Lucille) How do you come up with these?

Arrested Development Quotes

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.