Rory Gilmore: Any chance you could go faster?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Rory Gilmore: Thank you for adding the Santa.

I've got the good kid.

Rory Gilmore: I gotta go, but call me if there's any news.
Lorelai Gilmore: You mean if Michel kills Babette, then Miss Partty, them himself, and then it's a bizarre murder, suicide.
Rory Gilmore: Amongst other things.

(about Emily's manipulative tactics) She's like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate. Effortless.

Sherry: I can't just stop everything because...
Lorelai: You're having a baby. Admitting it is the first step.

Young Christopher: (in flashback, about baby Rory) She's pretty.
Young Lorelai: She's perfect.
Young Christopher: I guess this means we have to get married now.

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid.

Lorelai: Tell Sherry to keep her legs crossed 'til I get there.
Rory: Does that work?
Lorelai: No. Bye.

Lorelai: If I clean up Hug-a-World, does that cancel out me not getting rid of the boxes?
Rory: I'll consider it a wash.
Lorelai: How about if I chase it and bring it back?
Rory: What?
Lorelai:: Hug-a-World would like to see the world.
Rory: It's moving.
Lorelai: There's something living there besides Canadians.

Jackson: You wanna get another produce guy?
Sookie: Maybe I should!
Jackson: Well, go ahead!
Sookie: Don't tempt me!
Jackson: That's it, I am leaving.
Sookie: Go! And take the tendrils with you!
Jackson: Fine! See you tonight?
Sookie: I love you.
Lorelai: And it always ends with a hug.

Lorelai: You look peeved.
Emily: I'm not peeved.
Lorelai: Well, you look peeved.
Emily: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved.

Rory: Which maid was it?
Emily: Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany.
Lorelai: Which one was she?
Rory: You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to.
Lorelai: God, I beat that dead horse.
Rory: With glee.
Emily: She was the clomper.
Lorelai: The clomper?
Emily: She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally.
Lorelai: That's why you fired her?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: Because she made noise when she walked?
Emily: Yes.

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Lorelai: Rory, I love you. I would take a bullet for you. But I'd rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you.
Rory: Fine.
Lorelai: I'd rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
Rory: I got it.
Lorelai: Don't stop me, I'm on a roll. I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh, I'd rather get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Rory: Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?
Lorelai: Would ya? Thanks. I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you.

Emily: (about Lorelai's shade of lipstick) That's a pretty color. What's it called?
Lorelai: "Vicious Trollop."
Emily: Now why do you say things like that? (Lorelai shows her the lipstick tube). Now why would you name a lipstick that?
Lorelai: Because "Dirty Whore" was taken.