Luke Danes Quotes
Luke: Wait, you need keys.
Jess: No, I don't. (Leaves)
Luke: I so don't wanna know why.
Luke: You won't bring up the bed?
Lorelai: Oh no, I'll definitely bring up the bed.
Luke: Sorry we're a little late. We had a little misunderstanding about what time we're actually supposed to leave to come here.
Lorelai: It's okay. How's it going?
Luke: Oh, well, not bad. Oh, the bed popped.
Lorelai: Yikes. Was anyone in it?
Luke: Me.
Lorelai: You?
Luke: Yeah, I let him take the real one.
Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.
Luke: So just because you have a kid, you know everything, right?
Lorelai: Um, I have a kid, so yeah, I think I know a little bit more than you do.
Luke: You know, don't you ever think that maybe you just got lucky with Rory? I mean, you did get pregnant at 16, and that doesn't show the greatest decision-making skills, now does it?
Lorelai: Luke, um, that's not a bed, that's a raft, which is fine if you're gonna build a moat around the diner but...
Luke: It's fine.
Lorelai: Luke, the kid needs a bed. If you want to get him something inflatable, make it a blonde.
Luke: I had any interesting call today, want to know who it was from?
Jess: Not really.
Luke: It was from Taylor Doose, you know, he owns the market.
Jess: If you say so.
Luke: He said you came in today.
Jess: He did?
Luke: And he said you took some money out of a little donation cup to help repair the bridge. I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble. Then I hung up on him. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor and he is crazy. But I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true.
Jess: What do you think?
Luke: I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, I'm gonna believe it.
Jess: Okay, it's not true.
Luke: That doesn't sound very convincing.
Jess: What exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?
Luke: I'm trying to help you!
Jess: Well stop trying! Stop following me, stop talking to me, stop asking me questions! Just stop!
Luke: That's what you want?
Jess: Yes.
Luke: That's really what you want?
Jess: Yes!
Luke: You got it.
Jess: Thank you!
Luke: You're welcome!
(As they cross over a bridge, Luke pushes Jess into the water)
Lorelai: Is everything okay?
Luke: Do you have a sister?
Lorelai: Um, no.
Boy Scout: I do!
Luke: You have my sympathies.
Boy Scout: Thanks. I appreciate that.
Boy 2: And I want fries, and make them really really crispy.
Boy 1: I want mine crispy too.
Boy 2: You didn't order fries.
Boy 1: So?
Luke: So you can't order crispy fries without first ordering fries.
Boy 1: Why not?
Luke: Because you can't make something crispy that doesn't exist.
Boy 1: Why not?
Luke: Get him away from me Taylor.
Her daughter Rory, who you didn't meet but you'll like 'cause she's a lot like Lorelai, but she's got a slightly tighter grasp on reality.
Kirk: You know, in France, when you sit and order, you can have the table for as long as you want it.
Luke: I bet you know what I'm going to say next.
Kirk: That we're not in France?
Luke: Give or take a profanity.
(to customers) We're closing early, chew it or lose it.
