It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Mac Quotes
Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.
(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!
Dennis: Our mortgage is due in two weeks.
Mac: No, we paid that, like, a week ago.
Dennis: No. A week ago was three weeks late.
Mac: Why do these people like you guys so much?
Charlie: Well dude, it's not that they like us, they don't like you! You know why? Uhhh, because you're an asshole!
Oh, and hookups are good. But just to be clear... when you say your "sista," do you mean your sister or your friend?
We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all...
You know, Den, I was thinking about what you were saying the other day about the t-shirts with the stupid slogans on them, and I was wondering what you think about this! (reveals a shirt that says "Death to baby killers") Huh, bitch? Yeah, is that stupid enough for ya?
Dee: Did you use birth control?
Mac: Whoa, Dee. We went to Catholic school, so...
Dee: Okay, so, you're allowed to have premarital sex, but you're not allowed to use birth control?
Megan: What's this?
Mac: That's a list of the doctors I'm going to kill.
Megan: There's two already crossed out.
Mac: Yeah, I know.
Dee: Can we please get out of here, let's go.
Mac: Why?
Dee: Trey asked me to prom last night. This is getting really weird.
Charlie: That girl Sarah asked me too.
Dee: You're kidding?
Mac: What, no we can't go to the prom, that's pathetic.
Charlie: What do you mean we, who asked you?
Mac: Let's just go. Let's just go.
Dee: Mac, you are so pathetic.
Mac: Yes, and your eyebrows are drawn on.
Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.
