(narrating) Every storm brings with it hope, that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again and even the most troubling stains will have disapeared; like the doubts over his innocence; or the consequence of his mistake; like the scars of his betrayal; or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best; even though we know in our hearts, some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away....

This is what rainy days are good for. They make everything clean again. Especially on a street like Wisteria Lane, where everything can get so messy.

Have you met the perfect couple? The two soulmates, whose love never dies? The two lovers, whose relationship is never threatened? The husband and wife, who trust each other completely? If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of butter-cream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other.

(Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle are discussing if Bree is making the worst mistake of her life by marrying Orson. Bree enters the room...)
Bree: And what mistake would that be?
Mary-Alice: Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the brides choices...
Susan: These dresses are hideous.
Mary Alice: ... but the groom is not one of them.

Orson Hodge dreamed of the perfect honeymoon. Indeed, he'd begun planning it the moment Bree Van De Kamp agreed to marry him. They'd start by flying first class, to an exclusive 5-star hotel, where they'd spend their days by the pool, and their nights making love. And when they returned home, their perfect honeymoon would continue... forever.

We all have our reasons for rewriting history. Sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis...(shot of Andrew talking with his friends) Sometimes we wanna hurt someone who has hurt us...(shot of Gaby with her lawyer talking on the phone) And then there are times we just wanna spare ourselves embarrassment... (shot of Lynette talking with other ladies about Parker living the team) Of course, there are some who feel that to rewrite history is just another way to lie... (shot of Howard's wife talking about her husband working late) But what is history anyway... (shot of Mike and Edie at the hospital) but a set of lies agreed upon?

Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) The day Mike Delfino woke from his coma, Edie Britt was the first to know. Once she was sure he was responsive, Edie decided to share the good news with others... (shot of Edie running wildly through the hospital, telling a nurse) and that is how word began to spread (shot of the nurse running to the doctor):
Mike's position doctor Craig was busy with a patient when he first heard the news. Not long after, he called his aunt Ida, who was busy knitting a sweater. (shot of Ida) She told Lynette Scavo, who was busy watering her lawn. (shot of Lynette) And she told her husband Tom, who was busy playing a computer game. (shot of Tom) He then emailed his friend Carlos, who was busy plotting strategy with his divorce lawyer. (shot of Carlos calling Gabrielle) And Carlos called his soon-to-be ex-wife Gabrielle, who was busy doing the same with hers. (shot of Bree picking up the phone and telling Danielle) Yes, word of Mike's miraculous recovery spreak quickly throughout Wisteria Lane, (shot of Julie answering the phone and dialing Susan's number) and stopped cold everyone's busy, busy life. (shot of Susan in bath with Ian) Everyone that is, except for Susan Mayer, who was busy doing something, she would soon wish she hadn't.

(shot of Nora alone after Tom left) Sabotage...everyone is capable of it, but some go about it more ruthlessly than others... (shot of Danielle laying on her bed) like the ones who crave vengeance... (shot of Edie kissing Mike) Or the ones who hunger for love...(shot of Gaby in bed with the man she slept with) or the ones who are determined to burn bridges.(shot of Nora talking with Kayla) And then there are those who simply want something...Something that belongs to someone else.

The art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs. (shot of a woman preparing a cake) Sometimes it takes the form of a bundt cake offered to a friend who's on a diet. (shot of a woman cutting the cable and greeting her husband's friends) Other times, it's a cable cut just as a husband's friends arrive to watch the big game. (shot of Mrs McCluskey calling the city zoning department) And then there's always that anonymous phone call to the city zoning department. (Bree goes to the motel where her daughter and Mr Faladi are staying) Yes, in suburbia, everyone you meet is a potential saboteur...absolutely everyone...Yes, the art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs...But few do it as well as Bree Hodge...or as politely.

Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) It is often said that confession is good for the soul. No one knew this better than a certain blonde who had been confessing her sins to Father O'Malley once a week since she was a child. As the years had passed, much to Father O'Malley's dismay, a theme began to emerge...
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I seduced the cable guy again.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I'm having an affair with a folk singing duo.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confesional.)
Edie: Last week I let Rabbi Lipman get to third base.
Mary Alice: And once she had been forgiven, Father O'Malley would tell Edie Britt to go out into the world and sin no more. Unfortunately for Edie, temptation seemed to be...
(Present: Edie walks into Mike's hospital room.)
Edie: Hello there.
Mary Alice: ...everywhere.

There is a place in St. Timothy's church
where sinners go to confess their sins. And once they're done,they expect absolution. But the truth is, not all confessions are worthy of such forgiveness. Most who unveil hidden agendas deserve the condemnation they receive. Most who disclose vengeful motives merit the punishment that follows. Only the truly repentant have any right
at all to expect a second chance... Which is why it's best to think twice before you confess... Especially if you don't know what it is you're confessing to.

It was supposed to be an ordinary day for Carolyn Bigsby. She had planned to bake her husband a strudel, give her dog a bath, and water her African violets. Yes, Carolyn had planned to do all sorts of things she thought mattered. But earlier that day, a woman who wasn't her friend told Carolyn something she wasn't supposed to hear. From that moment on, Carolyn felt nothing really mattered anymore.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

(to dead body) "Tu me manques, Monique" ("I Miss You Monique").

Orson