Chandler: If worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica: (Laughing) Yeah right.

Monica: So what's Phoebe like?
Phoebe: I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like?
Monica: Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.

Joey: But you'd go out with me, right?
Monica: No! It is the same as with Chandler. We're friends.
Joey: Well, let's say we're the last two guys on the planet and you had a gun to your head. Which one would you pick?
Monica: Which one of you has the gun to my head?

Chandler: Joey will be right down. He's just looking for his mask.
Monica: A swim mask?
Chandler: No, his gorilla mask. He wears it in the ocean to scare off the fish.

Rachel: (About Bonnie) Is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
Joey: Yeah, sure. Well, you know, earlier she was talking about geography.
Monica: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.
Joey: Well, I think we all learned something.

Monica: You're not gonna get going, are you?
Pete: Well, let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?
Monica: Well, no. But...
Pete: Well, I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out!
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dad's garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: You didn't know that already?

Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon? Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh, keep your name, don't take his name.
Monica: He didn't ask me to marry him.
All: Oh.
Phoebe: Well then definitely don't take his name.

Monica: You are the worst ultimate fighter ever!
Pete: You know, I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but that really hurt.

Chandler: I don't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy.

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