You're gonna open it? You do realize that nothing good has ever been found in a vent?

Shirley: Why are there books in the an air vent?
Jeff: Why is there hot sauce in the bathroom? It's Greendale!

Welcome to Shirley Island, where all your dreams come true! If you dream of standing on a table and pissing in a jar.

I don't know--if I was in 70 films over 30 years, and spent each one talking at random volumes, I might accidentally win an Oscar.

I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox would make me feel better, but I'm just out $54...and a marriage.

Annie: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me.
Shirley: Then you might want to teach your mouth to say "we," "our," and "us."

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

What happened is between us and Jesus. And Jesus don't snitch.

Shirley: See? Prayer works.
Britta: So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley: And you know who invented gravity, right?

I believe that the good Lord made Chang, Chang. Kevin is a choice.

Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?

Why did this thing take photos if it was going to completely fabricate body shapes?

Community Quotes

Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We're gonna get that show back on the air buddy!

Troy

Annie: When you found out I was Jewish, you invited me to a 'pool party' that turned out to be a Baptism.
Shirley: Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into Heaven.