You're gonna open it? You do realize that nothing good has ever been found in a vent?
Shirley: Why are there books in the an air vent?
Jeff: Why is there hot sauce in the bathroom? It's Greendale!
Welcome to Shirley Island, where all your dreams come true! If you dream of standing on a table and pissing in a jar.
I don't know--if I was in 70 films over 30 years, and spent each one talking at random volumes, I might accidentally win an Oscar.
I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox would make me feel better, but I'm just out $54...and a marriage.
Annie: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me.
Shirley: Then you might want to teach your mouth to say "we," "our," and "us."
Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.
What happened is between us and Jesus. And Jesus don't snitch.
Shirley: See? Prayer works.
Britta: So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley: And you know who invented gravity, right?
I believe that the good Lord made Chang, Chang. Kevin is a choice.
Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?
Why did this thing take photos if it was going to completely fabricate body shapes?