Stanford Blatch Quotes
(watching a runway-fallen Carrie get stepped over by Heidi Klum) Oh, my god, she's fashion roadkill!
Stanford: Have you seen the New York Times style section?
Carrie: You know I can't handle hard news before noon.
Stanford: There's a beautiful man downtown, selling beautiful furniture, and we're going.
Carrie: I got a whole afternoon plan of Australian Vogue, I'm not just going to drop everything, to go see some cute guy.
Stanford shows her the guy's picture
Stanford: His straight.
Carrie: I'll get my purse.
Carrie: It's all total bull shit. What is wrong with cigarettes?
Stanford: Nothing, they're fabulous!
Stanford: Who's that guy?
Carrie: Oh, that's his campaign manager.
Stanford: Fix me up.
Carrie: How do you even know he's gay?
Stanford: I've seen him roller blading on eighth avenue. That's enough.
Carrie: Great! Now, I'm a first lady and a pimp.
Stanford: I can only stay a few minutes. I've got tickets to the "Vagina Monologues."
Stanford: Just because I don't eat at the restaurant, doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
Stanford: How can you not have a shrink? This is Manhattan. Even the shrinks have shrinks. I have three.
Carrie: No, you don't.
Stanford: Yes, one for when I want to be cuddled, one for when I want tough love and one for when I want to look at a beautiful man.
Carrie: That's sick!
Stanford: Which is why I see the other two.
Stanford: Excuse me, but when did wild sex come back in style?
Carrie: Oh I think that was the weekend you spent at the Barney's warehouse sale.
Waiter: (male, barely dressed) Three cosmopolitans, a diet coke, and a vodka martini with a twist.
Samantha: (whips the table) I said olive! (Waiter bends over, and Samantha gives his butt a whipping) Bad waiter! Bad waiter!
Miranda: What do you tip for that?
Samantha: Anyone else want a whack?
Charlotte: How does he wait our tables dressed like that, it's humiliating.
Carrie: Well the summer I worked at Howard Johnson's I had to wear an orange hat.
Samantha: Don't be so judgemental! This is just a sexual expression. All these people have jobs and pay their bills. They're just having fun with fetishes. (tickling Charlotte with the tip of her whip) Hmm, I wonder what your fetish is.
Stanford: Charlotte has a thing for Crabtree & Evelyn foot cream.
Charlotte: I don't have a fetish!
Samantha: We all have a fetish! The difference between us and them is, they're putting it out there where everyone can see. And I think it's healthy and fabulous.
Carrie: (getting up) Well, it was lovely to see you all. And remember ladies, whipping on the first date is considered forward.
Stanford: You sit your ass down, Mistress Carrie, there are drinks present.
Carrie: No can do, Big's flying to Paris tomorrow for business and I want to say goodbye.
Samantha: Oh, why not give him a goodbye he'll never forget? (hands the whip and top hat to Carrie)
Stanford: Sacre bleu!
Samantha: Go get 'im, girl!
Carrie: I could not get a cab.
Stanford: So what do you do, grab onto a bumper and let one drag you here?
Carrie: Stop, I was up all night. I need a coffee the size of my head.
Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.
(Carrie and Stanford went to the ballet together)
Carrie: Oh God I love "Sleeping Beauty"! The music, the sets, the costumes! It's so romantic! (She twirls around and imitates a ballerina)
Stanford: You only like it because she gets to sleep for a hundred years and she doesn't age.
Stanford: Monogamy is on its way out again. It had a brief comeback in the 90s, but as the millennium approaches, everyone's leaving their options open.
Carrie: Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the option?
Stanford: I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.
Carrie: Yeah, you know what you are? You're a whore!
Stanford: I wish that were true.
Carrie: Is he gay?
Stanford: He denies it. How can anyone that gorgeous be straight?