Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Sterling Archer Quotes
Lana: Cyril is already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox without you air-drying your unkempt bush.
Archer: Unkempt bush!? You're one to talk.
Lana: (goes to answer door) My vulva is a smoother than a veal cutlet!
(Opens door in her underwear to reveal Cyril in Steward outfit) Crappy timing...
(While chasing a rouge agent)
Archer: O.D.I.N. doesn't beat Sterling Archer, only Archer beats...
(The car stops in the Town Square, the Agent nowhere in sight)
Lana: Didja, wanna finish that thought?
Archer: Didja, wanna shut your negative (sturggles to think of insult) bad wordsy mouth!?
Sterling Archer: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? (throws glass tumbler into decanter)
Malory Archer: I must be, because it looks like you just destroyed my Steuben bar set.
Sterling Archer: Well you just destroyed my innocence!
Malory Archer: Oh Please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were thirteen.
Sterling Archer: Twelve.
Malory: This is why I can't have nice things
Archer: Why, because you shoot them?
(Trying to figure out who Archers father is)
Archer: And just who might my dad be?
Malory: Gene Krupa, no wait... not Krupa... the other one, the one with Teeth......Buddy Rich.
Archer: (shocked) What?
Malory: I could never say no to a drummer.
Archer: (furious) COULD YOU SAY NO TO ANYONE!!?
(Malory vicously slaps him across face and glares)
Malory: (glowering) I said no to plenty.
Archer: I'm hungry.
Malory: So lick that coat. You smell like a...
Archer: Grill cheese.
Malory: What?
Archer: Grill me a cheese.
Malory: I'm not grilling you a cheese!
Archer: (Begins sobbing)
Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer, you think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Videotex? Wow, growth industry.
Lana: Gestad? Count me in!
Archer: And me out. I'm not getting frost bite protecting some old German guy.
Malory: Herr Schlotz isn't the intended victim. It's his daughter Anka.
Archer: Who obviously needs someone on her. Constantly. I will that someone who's constantly on her.
Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...
Anka: I'm from Germany, where the age of consent is 14.
Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?
KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?
