Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about living on the bayou.

I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.

You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.

Figgins: I cannot have these shenanigans at this school.
Sue: He cannot have these shenanigans at this school!

That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

What if I were to innocently murder you, Will? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide.

I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.

I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.

You don't deserve the power of Madonna... simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo, who refuse to mate.

I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.