Game of Thrones
Sundays 9:00 PM on HBOPopular Tyrion Lannister Quotes
Jaime: Tell me you're not thinking of taking The Black.
Tyrion: And go celibate? The whores would go begging from Casterly Rock. I just want to stand on the edge and piss off the end of the world.
Bran: I'm not a cripple.
Tyrion: Then I'm not a dwarf. My father will be rejoiced to hear it.
Whore: The queen has two brothers?
Tyrion: There's the pretty one, and there's the clever one.
Whore: I hear they call him the imp.
Tyrion: I hear he hates that nickname.
Whore: Oh? I hear he's more than earned it. I hear he's a drunken little lecher, prone to all manner of perversions.
Tyrion: Clever girl.
Whore: We've been expecting you, Lord Tyrion.
Jaime: Don't get up.
Whore: My Lord.
Tyrion: Should I explain to you the meaning of a closed door in a whorehouse, brother?
Jaime: You have much to teach me, no doubt. But our sister craves your attention.
Tyrion: She has our cravings, our sister.
Jaime: A family trait. The Starks are feasting us at sundown. Don't leave me alone with these people.
Tyrion: Sorry, I've begun the feast a bit early, and this is the first of many courses.
Jaime: I thought you might say that, but since we're short on time...come on girls. See you at sundown.
Tyrion: Close the door!
Tyrion: Your uncle's in the Night's Watch.
Jon: What cha doing back there?
Tyrion: Preparing for a night with your family. I've always wanted to see the Wall.
Jon: You're Tyrion Lannister. The Queen's brother.
Tyrion: My greatest accomplishment. And you, you're Ned Stark's bastard, aren't you? Did I offend you? Sorry. You are the bastard, no?
The Hound: Rough night, imp?
Tyrion: If I get through this without scratching from one end through the other, it will be a miracle.
Joffrey: Better looking bitches than you're used to uncle. My ma's been looking for you. We ride for King's Landing today.
Tyrion: Before we go, you will call on Lord and Lady Stark and offer your sympathies.
Joffrey: What good would my sympathies do them?
Tyrion: None, but it is expected of you. Your absence has already been noted.
Joffrey: The boy means nothing to me. And I can't stand the wailing of women. (Tyrion slaps Joffrey)
Tyrion: One word, and I'll hit you again.
Joffrey: I'm telling mother!
Tyrion: Go, tell her. But first you will get to Lord and Lady Stark and tell them how very sorry you are, that you are at their service and all your prayers are with them. Do you understand?
Joffrey: You can't... (Tyrion slaps him again)
Tyrion: Do you understand?
The Hounds: The prince will remember that, little Lord.
Tyrion: I hope so. If he forgets, be a good dog, and remind him.
Tyrion: The charms of the north seem entirely lost on you.
Cersei: I still can't believe you're going. It's ridiculous, even for you.
Tyrion: Where's your sense of wonder? The greatest structure ever built. The intrepid men of the Night's Watch. The wintry abode of the white walkers.
Jaime: Well, even if the boy lives, he'll be a cripple, grotesque. Give me a good, clean death any day.
Tyrion: Speaking for the grotesques, I'll have to disagree. Death is so final. Whereas life, ah life is so full of possibilities. I hope the boy does wake, I'd be very interested to hear what he has to say.
Jaime: My dear brother, there are times you make me wonder whose side you're on.
Tyrion: My dear brother, you wound me. You know how much I love my family.
Tyrion: Ah...rapers. They were given a choice, no doubt. Castration or the Wall. Most choose the knife. Not impressed by your new brothers? Lovely thing about the Watch. You discard your old family and get a whole new one.
Jon: Why do you read so much?
Tyrion: Look at me and tell me what you see.
Jon: Is this a trick?
Tyrion: What you see is a dwarf. If I had been born a peasant, they might have left me out in the woods to die. Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock. Things are expected of me. My father was the Hand of the King for 20 years.
Jon: Until your brother killed that King.
Tyrion: Yes, until my brother killed him. Life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new King, and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honor of my house, wouldn't you agree? But how? Well, my brother has a sword, and I have my mind. And a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. That's why I read so much, Jon Snow.
Tyrion: A bastard boy with nothing to inherit, off to join the ancient order of the Night's Watch. Alongside his valiant brothers in arms.
Jon: The Night's Watch protects the realm from..
Tyrion: Ah, ah, yes, yes,against grumpkins and snarks and all the
other monsters your wet nurse warned you about. You're a smart boy, you don't believe that nonsense.
Tyrion: Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
Jon: What the hell do you know about being a bastard?
Tyrion: All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.
