So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to freedom, giving that swell guy Archer a combination thank-you-goodbye blow job.

You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

Ron

Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for?
Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.

Hawley

Lana: Cheryl?
Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain't burned to the ground.

If you'll excuse me, I have to remove my underwear with a blow torch.

Ray

Airplane air is so dry, plus you're breathing in God knows what those tuberculars in coach are...excuse me!?

Malory

We're going eastbound and down!

Malory: If we miss that taping, I won't be responsible for my actions.
Lana: Are you ever?

Ray: This quit being funny two hours ago!
Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.

Pam

We're talking about Texas. Somebody somewhere wants enough cocaine to forget they live there.

Archer Quotes

KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?

It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.

Archer