Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Cyril, make sure it's good and tight. (pause) Haha, why are we still not doing phrasing?

Cyril: Do you think those guys are Doctors Without Borders?
Archer: Yes Cyril, I do. I bet those assault rifles shoot polio vaccines.

Cyril: Go where?
Archer: Well long term, I was thinking home. Short term, somewhere that's not the crocodile version of a drive thru.

Blah blah blah, some joke about you two having vaginas, let's go.

Cyril: Well, you did set the raft on fire.
Ray: Oh my God, you always take his side!
Cyril: I never, ever, EVER take his side!

Ray: Crocodiles don't have ears!
Archer: They absolutely have ears, shit-head!

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

I took three Valium. If I get any more relaxed I will literally die.

Malory

What? I don't think it's racist to assume that a previously uncontacted tribe of indigenous peoples might react unpredictably, perhaps even wildly, to a bunch of white guys who walk up and hand them a goddamn M16!

Archer: Great idea, Cyril. Let's give an M16 to a bunch of wild Indians!
Ray: Goddamn, Huckleberry Finn!

Cyril: What do crocodiles eat?
Archer: Everything! They eat everything! And fear is their bacon bits.

Cyril: These guys don't look too good.
Archer: Well, they're gonna look even worse when they're jaguar poop.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 17 in total

Archer Season 5 Episode 8 Quotes

Eat a dick, jungle.

Archer

Ray: How long will it take you, Archer, to admit that you dick around every time we're in danger, just to screw with everybody, because of your complete - no, your utter contempt for your own mortality?!
Archer: I mean, yeah. Duh.