Malory: And if that's my pantsuit you're stretching out I'll have your guts for garters.
Gillette: You NEED some garters.

Oh, rocket launchers. My car is slowing down for no apparent reason. Just must be out of... carburetor


Can you not rub your dick in my mother's pantyhose, please?


Gillette: He's like a thousand.
Lana: You won't be having sex with him.
Gillette: Well, wait, he is a Duke.
Lana: No means no.

I've broken into way tougher places, right? Well, not without my turtleneck...


Archer: I have a plan that doesn't involve you stealing my toiletries.
Gillette: You're not using them.
Archer: Yes, I am
Gillette: Go look at your pores and then tell me you're using them

Why was he dressed as Hitler?


Why was I dressed like Hitler?


Gillette: Archer is drunk.
Malory: Who are you, Carrie Nation?

Gillette: How much?
Archer: It's hard to say. $800,000?
Gillette: You lost 800 grand!?
Archer: No, remaining.

Gummi bears all around! I'll eat hers if she doesn't have uhh teeth.


Benoit: Now if you excuse me, I must go find fresh towels and a whore.
Archer: Hey, Benoit, not to thick on either.

Archer Season 2 Episode 11 Quotes

Lana: You turned archer loose with four million dollars in a casino?
Archer: Oh, don't worry. He may be vain, selfish liar and quite possibly alcoholic man whore, but gambling is one vice Sterling doesn't have.
Malory: Guess he's too busy doing all those other awesome stuff. Thanks, mother.

Malory: I am not sharing a room with you.
Gillette: No, I'm sharing it with you and it's the last room in the hotel. Mo view but it's got two queens.
Malory: Where's the other one, greasing up in the bathroom?