Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXArcher Quotes
Cheryl: Beep beep beep.
Pam: Oh, your giving me the truck noise, Karen Carpenter stunt double?
Cheryl: I'm sorry, I thought you were walking backwards.
Cheryl: It's Carol.
Archer: What? Since when?
Cheryl: Since I had it legally changed because you always call me Carol.
Archer: Wow, that's... excuse us.
Cyril: Besides, I'm sure it's not the first time you've kept a secret from Lana.
Archer: Uh, hello. Herpes.
Cyril: You gave Lana herpes?!
Hey com 'on, you know I'd never let anything happen to your bacon. I love you Santa Clause. [sniff] I do.
I am drunk, or I wouldn't be talking to you.
Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!
Archer: Lying is like 95% of what I do.
Cyril: In your job?
Archer: Sure.
Do you want Ants? Because that is how you get ants!
Malory
Oh please, Pam's as full of crap as she is of carbohydrates.
Malory
Com 'on twenty two black. Twenty two black. Twenty two... BLACK, ASS SON OF A BITCH! Uh..heh.. not you giant African man. I'm sorry, can I offer you a drink? How about this expensive prostitute?
Archer: Hey, wanna smell something?
Receptionist: Swear to god Mr. Archer, I have H. R. on speed dial.
Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, and If I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, Sir.
Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, Sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
