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In my fantasy scenario I was gonna be the badass, the rebel, I'd be a legendary sophomore rockstar that no one would ever forget again. But in reality I had 30 more people taking pictures of my tits.


Jenna: What is that?
Lacey: It's you with a little enhancement!
Jenna: A little?
Lacey: It's perfectly fine to have Bangladeshi boobies these days. Because now we don't have to dream about having a new chest, we can buy one. I did.

Jenna: Sad fact: My Mom had more cyber friends than I did.

I needed to tell Tamara that I had given Matty the gift of my Vagi. But it still wasn't the right time.


Tamara: Jenna, we got your texts. Where are you on the Britney meter?
Jenna: I may be mid head shave.

Maybe people would stop staring at you if you could just finish the abortion your mom botched.


F my life.


Tamara still didn't know I'd already seen action when I'd took a ride on Matty's joystick at summer camp. I'd been dying to tell her but the timing wasn't right.


You're scaring her, it's not like she's gonna have a gimpy baby arm. Or is that possible?

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