Gina: Just to clarify, how untethered is Vacation Terry from his wife?
Terry: Very tethered.

Charles: Are we friends again?
Jake: No...we're brothers.
Charles: That was terrifying, don't pause like that!

If you hadn't stopped the elevator you could have walked off after your great speech. Now we all gotta sit in it.


The Drop House. Perfect name for a port-a-potty company. As soon as we get out of here I'm taking that straight to Shark Tank.


You remember my nephew Marcus, the thirty-one year old? He asked me to ask you if you are single. I told him I'm not a third grade girl with pigtails passing love letters.

Captain Holt

Rosa: I'm out. Four hours is the most I've ever spent alone with any human. It was the worst experience of my life.
Amy: What about that time we drove up to Boston together? That was about four hours. Oh I see what just happened.

Trust me, turn the other cheek, which I recently learned is about faces, and not butts, but works either way.


Captain, you're smiling, it's very weird, like seeing a turtle out of its shell.


Seriously, I cannot stop smiling. How do people do this with their faces?


Doug Judy: This is my bodyguard, Selena. We're doing it on the DL.
Rosa: He's an amazing lover. I'm pregnant.
Doug Judy: Awww nice!

Jake: I've already got my cover story worked out. My name is Dante Thunderstone. I stole my first car at the tender age of nine.
Doug Judy: You had to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightening...
Jake: While she was pregnant with me. She passed. I lived. Some say that makes Zeus my dad.

I said no because drugs are stupid, except for weed and sex pills. A man has his needs.

Doug Judy