Sundays 9:30 PM on FOX

Jake: Fine. Here's my gun and my badge.
Holt: I don't need those. You're not suspended yet, you're on administrative leave!
Joke: You never let me do anything cool!

The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky-face.


Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes.


Podalski: Chatter?
Jake: Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I hate that word too. Tittle-tattle.

Yay, enemies for life!


Another pitcher of your finest beer, good sir! And a glass thingy to drink it out of.


Jake: It's the most fun day of the year, something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

"Cwazy" with a W, a backwards W.


I have a sexy voice! Champagne. Mountain Range. Hugs.


Jake: How many times do I have to say it, she's like a sister.
Boyle: That's what Luke said about Leia!
Jake: Hey! Luke didn't know! No one knew!

Rosa: Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about, like he's a good listener.
Amy: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Rosa: Real stuff, like the shape of his ass

Jake: I'm gonna make a great dad.
Amy: Not even gonna touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago story.

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