Jake: Bing-pot!! Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better but then it was too late, I was halfway through the word.
Charles: Bingpot works! It's taking off!

Holt: Deathblade! Sidewinder! It's go time!
Jake: Roger that, Wet Blanket.
Holt: No, from now on call me....Velvet Thunder!

Jake: Hey Captain, whatcha thinking about?
Holt: Mostly about how Madeline Wuntch will destroy me because you wanted a helicopter to play action movie.
Jake: No, I needed a helicopter because I was chasing a bad guy because I'm a cop.
Holt: Really, it wasn't just to make this case "epic"?
Jake: This case is epic! You're just too wrapped up in the politics to see it. Sir, we're tracking a triple-murderer who stole 21 million dollars and all you can think about is Madeline Wuntch.

(imitating Wuntch) You could have had a chopper, Raymond. Why didn't you take advantage? Just a minute, my cauldron's boiling over.


Holt: I put myself on this case to make sure that you don't waste time turning this into another Ron McLean movie.
Jake: You know it's John McLean!

Wuntch: Hello Raymond. How do you like my new office? 20th floor.
Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

Okay, you two are obviously the alphas. Let me guess, you're dating the blond kid, and you like Filipino Bieber but you're worried he's still into Little Miss Side-Braid-Jenky-Purse.


She's the devil, and you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in Madeline's case she has no rhythm, and her hands are like little rat claws.


Holt: Why would you jump out of a helicopter with a knife in your mouth?
Jake: It's called a "chopper", and the knife is in my mouth because both of my hands are holding giant machine-guns.

I'd give you a hug, but right now my body has the structural integrity of a chocolate souffle.


Terry: Jake! Are you okay!?
Jake: No, Sarge, I got hit by a car!

Amy: All I wanted to do was impress Captain Holt, and you know what, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that we were late, it didn't matter that I was chill, it didn't matter that the rats ate my salad.
Gina: Oh no, I definitely saw them running away from it.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?

“The Squad” is the best book I ever read, and I’ve read 15 books.