Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sundays 8:30 PM on FOX
Brooklyn nine nine
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I made number 2. I hear it. Why would I say that?!


Jake: I'm as serious as a heart attack. No offense Scully.
Scully: Eh! Mine are never that serious. I call them "oopsies."

I'm the king of respectfulness, bitches!


I guess it's officially over. It was slightly less gross than expected. Way to be.


Not to overstate, but I'm definitely going to die alone and work is all I have.


Capt. Holt: Because you're royally screwing up!
Amy: Oh no! This isn't a pow wow. It's a haraunging!
Capt. Holt: It is! Stop trying to tank this election. You know damn well, you'd make a great Union Rep!

Sophia: I can't believe I had sex with a cop. It's like I had sex with Hans Gruber.
Jake: You're the Gruber!
(courtroom stares)
Jake: Die Hard

Terry: You slept with a defense attorney! You literally had sex with the enemy!
Jake: I know! It's like if John McClane had sex with Hans Gruber or WORSE Jeremy Irons from the third one!

I'm about to Olivia Pope this sitch!


Captain Holt: You're going to leave my precinct and my task force alone. Or else, you're "Wuntch" meat.
Jake: You sure you wanna go with that one?
Captain Holt: Absolutely. It's hilarious.

Well, lucky for you, proof is my middle name. And yours is... Jared! Juice box! Jellyfish! Jamiroquai!


Someone's got a case of the sleepover jokies.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 179 in total

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

“The Squad” is the best book I ever read, and I’ve read 15 books.


Don’t worry; I know what I’m doing. I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker.