Boyle: Gina, you need to see this.
Gina: Oh Charles, I can't take that. It's clearly not cash and I don't have time in my life to return things.

Take a good look kids. This is what happens when you're naughty!


Jake: Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled to know that you used to like me and I will bring it up constantly.
Amy: Great.
Jake: Hey, should we make a left up here at "You used to like me" Lane or...
Amy: Ha ha.
Jake: I could always just cut across "Amy used to like Jake" Boulevard.
Amy: Stop it, or I'll crash the car!
Jake: Don't do that!

Boyle: No. What you smell is the burning wreckage of my relationship with Holt.
Scully: Soooo... there's no corn on the cob?

I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster. Little fools.


I'm gonna rip your damn head off Grandma!


Boyle: (sneaking up behind Capt. Holt and covering his eyes) Guess who?!
Capt. Holt: (drawing his weapon) NYPD! Hands up!
(Boyles screams)

The stamps were on me. I was curious about how old glue tasted. Answer, like a horse lollipop.


Imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone...


Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.


Jake: You got it. You're my friend and I won't let you down. I'm gonna push you up, just like a bra.
Rosa: What?
Jake: Nah, I meant brassiere, which is totally different!
Rosa: Come on man.
Jake: Not better... Here we go!
Boyle: Here we go!

Amy: I've been waiting to hear you say that all day long...
Jake: I know.
Amy: Which is why you shouldn't say it.
Jake: What?
Amy: You're still trying to make people happy. Don't apologize to me. Be a leader and tell me what you need me to do. Tell everyone what you need them to do. You're the Captain, Jake.
Jake: I'm the Captain now... Captain Phillips!
Amy: Captain Phillips!
Jake: That's what it was! Look at me!