Being a Virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of, you're like a unicorn.

Shirley [to Annie]

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

Troy

Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player, its in your blood
Troy: That's racists
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay
Jeff: That's homophoebic
Troy: That's black
Jeff: That's racist!
Troy: Damn

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

It's not a meteor; it's a cookie wand. Me and Jeff made it because it made you look more like the Cookie Crisp wizard, which is not even a reference I get because the Cookie Crisp mascot when I was growing up wasn't a wizard. It was a burglar.

Troy

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Troy: You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
Pierce: Calvin Coolidge?

Jeff: Hey troy sneezes like a girl
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy... that didn't come out right

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!

Jeff

Did you know there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt people?

Pierce

Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches.

Shirley

I need help reacting to something.

Abed

Community Quotes

Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We're gonna get that show back on the air buddy!

Troy

Annie: When you found out I was Jewish, you invited me to a 'pool party' that turned out to be a Baptism.
Shirley: Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into Heaven.