Criminal Minds
Thursdays 9:00 PM on CBSPopular Criminal Minds Quotes
Dr. Reid: Wait, were you one of the mean girls?
JJ: No!
Reid: Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn-fed but still a size zero. I think that you might've been a mean girl.
JJ: I was actually one of the nice girls, even to guys like you.
Reid: Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing started improving once I started winning at basketball.
JJ: OK, you played basketball?
Reid: I didn't say I played basketball, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
JJ: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Reid: Yeah it took him three rounds 'til he realized I was hustling him.
Dr. Reid: Even outcasts eventually form friendships. But this Un-Sub is the outcasts the outcasts rejected. He won't stand out in any capacity, and as a matter of fact most of his fellow students probably won't even remember graduating with him.
Agent Rossi: And that invisibility is what made him attractive to Slade. He knew he wouldn't steal the spotlight.
Garcia: So, as you can see from your board there, this kill list is weirdly similar to high school. Group one is like the popular kids: prom court, football team, Dean's list. The "Heathers," if you will.
Agent Hotchner: So Randy Slade's social circle.
JJ: What about number two?
Garcia: That would be the kids from the other side of the tracks, one hundred-eighty degree difference. Kids this close to getting kicked out: loners, burn outs, mental cases. Chelsea Grant was on this list.
Dr. Reid: He's not the Un-Sub. He was the partner, but look at how Slade said "All the LoSeRs in this godforsaken school." That capitalization isn't an accident. "L, S, R" Louis Stuart Ramsey.
Agent Prentiss: So Slade named his own partner.
Reid: Ironically, Louis' marijuana addiction saved his life.
Prentiss: Well that puts us back to our original problem. If the Un-Sub wasn't the partner how did he get his hands on a list that Slade and Louis kept to themselves?
Dr. Reid: Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage. Son of a b-tch! (answering phone) Hi this is Dr. Spencer Reid. I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is a-
Agent Hotchner (cutting him off): Reid!
Reid: Sorry, I'm so sorry I don't know what got into me. Where were we?
Agent Hotchner: How did you get by in Paris?
Agent Prentiss: Well, I played a lot of online Scrabble, with some girl named "Cheeto breath."
Garcia: Mom didn't know her son was gone. She assumed that he was with the grandmother after she just left him there.
JJ: So she's not exactly on the short list for Mother of the Year.
Agent Prentiss: What about the father?
Garcia: He was convicted of embezzling from his work place two years ago, currently cooling his heels in state prison.
Dr. Reid: If it's a stranger abduction the first 24 hours are critical. This kid's already been missing twice that long.
Agent Hotchner: Which is why we shouldn't waste any more time. Let's go.
Agent Morgan: Somebody's got a little extra pep in his step, that's all.
Agent Prentiss: Probably doubled up on his vitamins.
Morgan: Oh he doubled up on something...
Dr. Reid: Depression is a vicious cycle that frequently manifests itself in the degradation of one's personal living environment, which in turn fuels the depression, which then worsens the living environment.
Agent Morgan: Alright I'll take a look around in here, you go check out the kitchen.
Reid: Oh. The kitchen.
Morgan: Is there a problem?
Reid: Frankly I'm not too anxious to see the perishable food version of this room.
Agent Morgan: Four pairs of shoes.
Dr. Reid: Why, exactly, is that relevant?
Morgan: Come on, Reid. How many women you know only have four pairs of shoes in their closet?
Reid: My experience in and around women's closets isn't exactly extensive enough to really formulate an opinion.
Agent Morgan: Check computers in the house. Maybe she used one of those tech-y fix it-type dweebs who makes house calls.
Garcia: Hey watch it - language.
Morgan: You know I'm just playing with you, but come on. Put a rush on it, clock's ticking okay?
Garcia: Rushing is the only speed a Lamborghini has. Proud tech-y dweeb over and out. Beep beep yeah.
Garcia: Sir, does this guy stuff actually work on real, breathing girls?
Hotchner: (confused) Why are you asking me?
Garcia: I abhor the whole chicks-dig-jerks thing.
Hotchner: Well, fortunately, Garcia, you are one of the exceptions.
Garcia: Be still my bespeckled heart. So are you, sir.
Hotchner: (smiling) Thanks.
