Desperate Housewives

Sundays 9:00 PM on ABC

Desperate Housewives "Bang" Quotes

Carolyn: For the rest of you, hi, I'm Carolyn. I'm sorry for putting a crimp in your day, but I'm pretty sure my cheating husband is in here right now phoning the police so I'm counting on all you folks to help me keep them outside 'til Harvey and I have a chance to (showing her gun) talk things over...
• Rating: Unrated

Carolyn: (to Lynette, after shooting Nora) I believe the phrase you're looking for is "Thank you".
• Rating: Unrated

Carolyn: (to the shoppers she is holding hostage) Attention, shoppers, we're having a special today on not getting shot, but it's only available at the back of the store.
• Rating: Unrated

(Lynette offers to go for custody of Kayla.)
Tom: I never thought you'd want a fifth kid.
Lynette: I don't, and I didn't want the first four, but they're starting to grow on me.
• Rating: Unrated

Carolyn: There's never a good reason for hitting a woman.
Bree: I used to think that too. Then I met you. Good day.
• Rating: Unrated

Susan: Carolyn, open up, my daughter's inside!
Carolyn: Sorry, store's closed.
Susan: But there's a crazy woman in there!
Carolyn: Yeah, I know. (she waves the gun in front of Susan)
• Rating: Unrated

Edie: Oh my god! Austin's there. And Julie. Get your ass out there before someone gets hurt!
Harvey: What am I, a moron? She'll shoot me.
Edie: She has got 10 innocent people out there. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.
• Rating: Unrated

Carolyn: I've been thinking Harvey, that if you love Monique so much maybe you should be with her.
Harvey: For gods sake Carolyn, she's dead.
Carolyn: I know.
(Carolyn pulls out her gun and starts shooting at Harvey.)
• Rating: Unrated

Lynette: (refers to Carolyn killing Nora) Everyone in here has pain, but we deal with it. We swallow it and get going with our lives, but what we don't do is go around shooting strangers!
Carolyn: She deserved it!
Lynette: Well maybe you deserved to be cheated on!
• Rating: Unrated

(Susan confronts Julie with a can of beer.)
Julie: Oh, it was Austin's, okay? I was tutoring him, he brought beer, I told him to throw it out and he did, end of story.
Susan: Did you have any?
Julie doesn't answer and turns around.
Susan: I cannot believe this.
Julie: That's it! Go to your room and finish packing. This conversation is over!
Susan: The last time I checked, I was the parent.
Julie: The last time I checked, I was the daughter who never gave you any reason to doubt her. And don't play the parent card with me! I just finished packing your suitcase, doing your laundry and balancing your checkbook! And now I'm going to the store to buy your toothpaste.
• Rating: Unrated