Desperate Housewives

Sundays 9:00 PM on ABC

Desperate Housewives "Getting Married Today" Quotes

(Carlos looks for money to give the paperboy and discovers Edie's pills.)
Danny: What's that?
Carlos: It's birth control pills.
Danny: I'm gonna need cash.
• Rating: Unrated

(Gabrielle asks Carlos to come to her wedding).
Carlos: I can't go.
Gabrielle: Why not?
Carlos: I'm a jinx. I wen't to your last wedding and look how that turned out. (Gabrielle gives him a look.) C'mon Gaby, we both know it'd be weird if I went.
Gabrielle: Okay, maybe a little, but it'll be weirder if you don't.
Carlos: Excuse me?
Gabrielle: Look, everyone knows you're living with Edie, if she shows up alone people will think I asked her not to bring you like it bugs me that you guys are together.
Carlos: But it does bug you, you hit the roof when you found out.
Gabrielle: (now yelling at him) Which is why I have to show people that I'm Okay with it! (calms herself) Please, just, consider it my wedding gift.
Carlos: Okay.. But I'm skipping the ceremony.
Gabrielle: What? And just go to the reception? You can't do that.
Carlos: Well I don't wanna make a scene. You'll vow "Til death do us part" I'll bust out laughing, people will stare...
Gabrielle: Reception starts at four.
• Rating: Unrated

Mike: I'm not Ian. I can't afford to move you into a mansion, or fly you off to Paris. But I'll be damned if I don't give you the same dream wedding he would've given you.
• Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: (narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Minister: Are we ready?
Julie: (about Susan and Mike) Are you kidding? They've been dragging this thing out for three years!
• Rating: Unrated

Susan: I'm thinking a chocolate fountain would be a cool centerpiece to a dessert buffet.
Mike: Dessert buffet? We're having a wedding cake, right? Isn't that a dessert?
Susan: Yeah, but you have to give people a choice. Don't you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?
Mike: I don't know, you, a big, white dress, melted chocolate? Am I the only one hearing alarm bells?
• Rating: Unrated

Susan: You name one thing that you think is going over the top.
Mike: The dove wrangler...
Susan: Well the doves aren't going to release themselves!
• Rating: Unrated

Susan: My idea of the perfect wedding keeps changing. One day I want white roses and then I want lillies .. only one thing stays constant - And I'm looking at him. Why would I need anything else to make my wedding perfect?
• Rating: Unrated

Parker: These are baby toys. We're too old to play with these.
Stella: Well, I'm too old to remember what the hell six-year-olds like to play with!
• Rating: Unrated