David: What the hell is this? I thought I told you to dress maternal.
Gabrielle: Yes, you did, and I considered it for about a second.
David: What happened?
Gabrielle: David, I know you're the lawyer and all, but if you ask me, it's never a smart strategy to cover this up.
David: We've got 40 minutes before the pre-trial hearing. Let's go home and get you changed.
Gabrielle: What?!
David: You want to get your husband out of jail? Got to dress like a pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue.

(narrating) Yes, every little girl dreams of a big white wedding. But some dreams just don't come true.

Mary Alice

(narrating) George Williams had never been lucky in love. It seems that the women he dated always invented reasons not to consummate their relationship. Sadly for George, it was one unoriginal excuse after another. But since he'd started seeing Bree Van de Kamp, George couldn't help but feel, his luck was about to change.

Mary Alice

Bree: Paul, we've called the police.
Paul: You didn't really need to do that.
Gabrielle: We know what you did to Mrs. Huber.
Paul: Wonderful. I see you've all turned into Susan while I've been gone.

George: What's wrong?
Bree: I don't know. I felt something weird.
George: Oh, that was my tongue. It extends farther than most. I should have warned you.

(to Mike about Paul) I just can't believe it. I mean, there he is, a murderer, just living right on our street and there's nothing we can do about it, because you're a convicted felon and I burned down that stupid house. It's not fair.

Susan

Paul: Anyway, here you go.
Susan: Don't come near me.
Paul: I'm just giving you back your pie filling.
Susan: I don't want my pie filling.
Paul: Oh, come on, just take it.
Susan: No, stop! Put that pie filling down... slowly. I'm calling 911.

Ida: What's going on?
Edie: Oh, Mayer thinks Paul Young murdered Martha Huber.
Ida: Oh my God, I live right behind him.
Alberta: I know, I gave him my keys so he could feed my cat.
(pause)
Edie: I win. I made out with him.

Well, someone might as well say it... Susan what the hell have you been smoking?

Edie
Displaying all 9 quotes