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(Bree has stopped Danielle's party because a candle has run out)
Julie: Is she serious?
Danielle: Welcome to my own private hell.

It's a shocking moment for each of us. That moment we realize we are all alone in this world. The family we take for granted could one day abandon us. The husband we trust so implicitly might betray us. The daughter we love so deeply perhaps won't return to us. And then we could end up all by ourselves. Of course, some see great value in going it alone.

Mary Alice

Gabrielle: Susan. We've all been talking. We've decided that you and Julie should stay with Bree.
Susan: Oh, thanks, but that's okay. We'll stay in a motel.
Bree: Absolutely not. Just give me an hour or two to straighten up Andrew's room and then you can bring yourselves over.
Susan: I don't deserve friends like you.
Lynette: We're aware of that.

Lynette: What if I see him with another woman?
Mrs. McCluskey: (takes Lynette's face in her hands) I own a gun...

This cake is a symbol of my love!

Bree

Susan Mayer had always believed the one thing about hard times is that you get to find out who your friends really are. When her grandmother died, it was Bree who brought homemade cookies. When the critics panned her third book, it was Gabrielle who hired the handsome masseur. When her divorce became final it was Lynette who poured the scotch. Sadly, Susan's life had been shattered once again. But as always, her friends had come to help pick up the pieces. Yes, hard times were what Susan used to distinguish who was a friend and who wasn't.

Mary Alice

Bree: Hello. My name is Bree Van de Kamp and I'd like to admit myself for psychiatric observation.
Receptionist: All right, what seems to be the problem?
Bree: I think I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

Susan: Okay, first let me say I'm really sorry about the yellowjackets. And also, no matter how mad I am about what I did, I don't want to see you go to prison. So, I came up with the solution. Why don't you just come forward and tell the police that you saw some vagrant lurking by my garage with a can of gasoline. And if you do that then I'll destroy the tape. And then the insurance company will pay the claim. Nobody gets hurt. Does that sound good?
Edie: Come closer.
Susan: Oh, ah.
Edie: Take your stinking deal and shove it!
Susan: Edie!
Edie: Every time something bad happens to me you're standing nearby. Well, I've had it! No more pretending to be friends. When I get out of here, I'm gonna destroy you!
Susan: Okay, I'm just gonna think that this is the meds talking and I'll come back tomorrow.
Edie: Don't bother!
Susan: Okay, Edie. I'm in trouble here.
Edie: Oh, I'm sure you'll turn on the waterworks and the whole neighborhood'll come running. They always do.
Susan: That's not true!
Edie: Sure it is! You never miss an opportunity to play the victim! And you think just because everybody always comes to your rescue, it means that you're loved. Well, it doesn't. It means that you're helpless. Now get out. Just get out.

(Susan turns on the recorder under her shirt and knocks on Edie's door. Edie answers the door eating a bag of popcorn. She tries to slam the door. Susan holds the door)
Susan: No, Edie, wait! Um, I don't want to fight. I know that we've had our differences, but you know we had a friendship going on there and I just think we owe it to ourselves to talk about what happened.
Edie: What's there to talk about? It happened. (she chews the popcorn as she talks) I walked down to your house. I had this watering can.
Susan: What?
Edie (muffled): I filled it with gasoline and boom! Laughed my ass off.
Susan: Okay, wait, could you just swallow? 'Cause I couldn't really hear what you were saying.
Edie: Well, that was basically it. One of the best days of my life.
Susan: Well, see you were chewing and so I didn't really hear what you said. Could you just say it again?
Edie: I burnt you house down and it was great. What do you want?
Susan: So, uh, you then admit burning down my house. On purpose.

Lynette:Tom, it would be better for your general well-being if you did not laugh at this moment in time.
Tom:Am I going to have to ruin the surprise? Because it's a really good surprise.
Lynette:I'm thinking yeah, ruin it.
Tom:I have been going to Atlantic City for business. I am up for a top spot with Jerry's firm, Huffington Promotions. And if you don't believe me, you can call the CEO himself.

Lynette: Atlantic City?
Tom: Yeah, it's last minute, but Jerry got a great deal on a suite at one of the casinos and a bunch of the old gang is coming in from New York and, god, it's been forever since I have been so, how could I turn that down?
Lynette: Yeah, how indeed.
Tom: What?
Lynette: I didn't say anything.

Gabrielle: Carlos! What's going on?
Carlos: Xiao-Mei is feeling under the weather, so I took up the vacuuming.
Gabrielle: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. So, uh, did you move my beauty products? They're not in the bathroom.

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Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 22 Quotes

She's good!

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Sometimes, I'm just all thumbs.

</i> Felicia