Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 12: "Not While I'm Around" Quotes
Your average housewife worries constantly about the dangerous people she sees on the nightly news, which is why she buys expensive alarm systems, carries pepper spray in her purse and keeps a gun in her drawer, so she can go about her day feeling safe and protected. Your average inmate worries constantly about the dangerous people he comes in contact with everyday, which is why he takes ordinary items and turns into weapons that he always keeps handy so he can go about his day feeling safe and protected. What is the difference between the housewife and the inmate? The inmate knows the feeling won't last long.
Mary Alice
(narrating) It's a dangerous world. So we all look for protection, and whether we find it in the arms of our mother, or at the end of a jagged blade, in the kiss of our sweetheart, or at the end of a barrel, we do what we have to to feel safe, because we know that somewhere in the world there are those that will do us harm.
Mary Alice
Susan: Don't you walk away from me!
Edie: Do we have to do this now?
Susan: Yes, we do. You may have gotten your first diaphragm with milk money, but that doesn't give you the right to corrupt my daughter!
Edie: Look, it's not like I went after Julie and said, "Hey, do you wanna go out for a burger and some birth control?" She came to me.
Susan: You do not get to decide this for her! What were you thinking?! (She hits Edie with the pills)
Edie: Aah! I was thinking, if Julie got knocked up, that--that you and I could become family, and I'm sorry, I cannot take that chance.
Susan: Oh, you know what? It wasn't 'till your rotten nephew came to town that Julie was a perfect kid, and now she's lying and scheming and having casual sex! She's just a boob job away from being you!
Edie: Look, Mayer, Julie has discovered sex. The genie is out of the bottle. And you better be good with it, or you could lose her forever. Cause like it or not, she loves him. And you know what else? He loves her.
(They enter Edie's house and see Austin topless making out with a girl on the couch.)
Edie: Ahem!
(Austin and the girl look up in shock. The girl is Danielle.)
Gabrielle: Honey, let's get real, you are way too young for me.
Zach: I'm two months older than John Rowland.
People don't come back from the dead.
Alma
Wait, now I'm confused! When Orson came over he just said "Welcome to the neighbourhood. Need any help unpacking?"
Alma
Bree: I try to hold my head up and smile and just bake more pies for the church social. But now your ex is camped out on our doorstep like I'm hosting some kind of morman slumber party. And I do not know how I'm going to bake my way out of this one!
Orson: Darling, I'm gonna get Alma out of that house. I don't care if I'll have to live up to my reputation and strangle her!
Bree: (with great relief) Oh, you are a good husband...
Tom: So wait, we're not having sex?
Lynette: Hey, you banned me from your opening!
(About Julie and Austin) She loves him. And like it or not he loves her.
Edie
(Susan and Edie walk in on Austin and Danielle making out on Edie's couch.)
Gabrielle: (going through Julie's room with Susan) First rule of ransacking- remember where everything goes. (snaps pictures with camera phone)
Susan: You're going to make a really good mother someday.
