Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 12: "Not While I'm Around" Quotes
Lynette: (to Andrew) Aren't you supposed to be working?Andrew: Aren't you supposed to not be here?Lynette: Touch.
(Carlos walks into Gabrielle's bedroom, while Gabrielle is in the bathroom.)
Carlos: Gaby, I need another pillow.
Gabrielle: All right. Don't take the big one. That's my favorite.
Carlos: It's only for one night. 'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna be back home sleeping in my own bed.
Gabrielle: What?! You can't abandon me! There's a madman stalking me. My life is on the line. Do you know how scared I am?
(Gabrielle gets out of the bathroom wearing the dress her secret admirer gave her.)
Carlos: You're keeping that?
Gabrielle: Hey, I'm scared, but not of the dress.
Lynette: (Pinches her blouse after seeing Harry starring at her chest) Harry, Harry, what'd I say?
Harry: I know, I don't mean to be rude. It's just that my showgirl days were a while ago and I can't remember when I last laid eyes on a beautiful woman's (pause) bosom.
Lynette: Really? Well, what if I were to very briefly refresh your memory? (Firmly places waiver on table for him to sign.)
Cut to next scene where Lynette is buttoning her blouse.
Harry: Completely worth it! (Hands her signed waiver.)
Lynette: Glad you thought so.
The responsible thing is to abstain from sex and focus on your studies. There, I said it out loud just in case anybody asks.
Edie
Bree: Well, I'm sure that she must have lots of other houses to show you.
Edie: Nope, Alma took one look at the Applewhite house and "BAM" it was love at first sight.
Bree: What?
Alma: We're going to be neighbors!
Bree: No! (pause) I mean, I mean, no. Alma, you can't buy this house!
Alma: Why not?
Bree: Well, are you aware of its history? The previous owner was harboring a murderer.
Edie: It was her son. And say what you like, she was a great mom.
Bree: They had a dungeon in the basement! And people say they still hear groans coming from the house at night.
Edie: (quietly, to Bree's ear) There's going to be groans coming from your house if you don't zip it!
Orson: She kissed me goodbye, what was I supposed to do slug her?
Bree: You went over there to read her the riot act, instead it looked like you were reading her a bedtime story.
Well I'm sorry I've never been good at getting people not to have sex!
Edie
(to Tom) and tonight I'm gonna slap on some sex perfumes and you're gonna get naked and then we're gonna see who the man is.
Lynette
(Julie and Austin are talking about having sex, Susan walks in and they stop)
Susan: Hi!
Austin: Hi.
(Awkward silence)
Susan: Bye!
Austin & Julie: (Smiling) Bye.
Susan: (on the phone about the pills) So I'm just curious, where do you get off prescribing that without my consent? What? No I most certainly was not there What do I look like? I don't have blonde hair.
Looks from the window and sees blonde Edie.
Susan: Wait, did my blonde hair have dark roots?
Susan: (tense) Why were you two talking about condoms?
Julie: Why were you eavesdropping?
Susan: Don't change the subject. Are you two having sex? Because I thought I raised you to be smarter than that. (more tense): Don't you realize that sex is not fun and games? It's dangerous!! Every time you turn around there's a new disease! Do you want it to burn when you pee?
Julie: Mom.
Susan: Sex kills!
Julie: MOM!!!
Susan: WHAT?!!
Julie: I'm not having sex.
Susan: Really?
Julie: Really.
Susan: (Relieved) Oh, thank god.
(They hug)
Susan: If you're not having sex, why were you talking about condoms?
(on the phone with her secret admirer) That's very sweet of you but I am not the most beautiful woman in the world...Yes, I may be in the top 10.
Gabrielle
