Tom: You're saying that our clients deserve more effort than your own family?
Lynette: OK! So if I apologize for upsetting you at work can we get past it and enjoy our meal?
Tom: Absolutely.
Lynette: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I am sorry.
Tom: Thanks.
Lynette: So boys, how do you enjoy the meal?
Preston: It's a little salty...
Lynette: Just eat it!

Gabrielle: So... We're audtioning to be parents?
Adoption Agency Lady: You can say that...
Gabrielle: So just to be clear... Some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas'n'gulp and SHE is gonna make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't have to answer that...

Bree: For the record, I did not punch my son I slapped him with an open palm.
Andrew: Yeah, but Mom, the thing is... When you drink, you don't know your own strength.
Bree: This is ridiculous! Can't you see this is a performance?!

Tom: What was that?!
Lynette: What was what?
Tom: You were bracing! You were bracing with your leg! I was trying to lay on top of you and you were bracing yourself against the mattress so you don't have to get on your back!

Karl: (Reading Dr. Ron's card) I can't wait to be in the operating room with you so I can touch your heart because you already touched mine so deeply!
Susan: Okay, that part sounds better when you don't read it out loud.

Bree: If you need a drive to school, I'm happy to drive you.
Andrew: That's not what I want... I want a car.
Bree: Well, then I suggest you get a job.
Andrew: Why should I have to go work my ass off at some fast food place if I can already afford what I want?
Bree: Andrew, we're not touching your trust fund.
Andrew: It's my money!
Bree: Not until you're 21, and if I had my way you wouldn't put your hands on it until you're 50! I mean we both know you're gonna waste every penny of it.

Dr. Cunningham: (with his right arm in a cast at a 120 degree angle to his body) Susan, good to see you again! I'm really looking forward to your surgery!
Susan: And I'm really hoping you're a lefty!
Dr. Cunningham: Nope, can't even write my name.

Carlos: Helen! You work here!
Roda (adoption lady): You all know each other? What a small world!
Helen It sure is. Mrs. Solis hired my son to do her yard work, and also she would rape him.

Bree: Are you a friend of Andrew's?
Sam: I'm his lawyer.
Bree: His lawyer? Why on earth would Andrew need a lawyer?
Andrew: (gives Sam a glass of water) Here you go Sam.
Bree: Huh! Honey what happened to your face?!
Andrew: You hit me... Don't you remember?

Susan: I think I have to break up with Dr. Ron.
Lynette: What?! Why?!
Susan: Because he's a gem, and apparently he loves me.
Lynette: I'm sorry, I'm not following.

Carlos: Gaby, these pictures have to be wholesome. They gotta say, "These people will do a great job raising a child."
Gabrielle: So?
Carlos: So you're topless!
Gabrielle: Yeah, but it's St. Bart's, and your hands are covering my naughty bits.
Carlos: You mean the hand that's holding the tequila shot, or the hand that's holding the Cuban cigar?
Gabrielle: Yeah, that was a great trip.

Bree: Did Lynette mention the little tiff we had?
Susan: Just in passing...
Gabrielle: She barely mentioned it...
Bree: What happened was... I accidently mixed my medication with, you know, a little glass of wine I was having and I fell asleep while I was watching her kids. I mean I like a little wine with dinner... I mean now and then... You know, who doesn't? But, you know... To trash my entire reputation...
Gabrielle: She didn't trash you... Honest.
Bree: Well, good... I really don't want you to get the wrong impression. Oh, I'm going to the mall today, they have a white sale. I'm going to get a new bath mat. Does anyone need one?
Gabrielle: I'm good... (After Bree left the two) WOW! Did you smell the alcohol in her breath?
Susan: I sure did...

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 27 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 16 Quotes

(after Andrew tells her he hates her) The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected and I still have a chance to set you right.

Bree

Bree: Perception is reality, Andrew. And if people perceive me to have a drinking problem, then I do. And I certainly don't want some idiotic judge using my hobby as an excuse to make you rich. So I'm simply going to give up my wine and become a recovering alcoholic.
Andrew: Good plan, but it'll never work. See, I'll bet you still end up coming to court hammered.
Bree: Oh, Andrew, you don't think I love you enough to give up alcohol?
Andrew: Look, I'm seventeen, all right? So, you can only keep me here for another year. Why not just let me go?
Bree: Because I'm not done with you yet. It's my job to teach you and you are not half the man I know you can be.
Andrew: Yeah, well, I got news for you. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
Bree: If I really thought that, I'd get a gun right now and kill us both.

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