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Gabrielle: What?
Carlos: You never liked Mama.
Gabrielle: Well, it's awfully hard to like someone who actively hates your guts. She always thought you married beneath you and she let me know it.
Carlos: She loved you.
Gabrielle: She treated me like trash! God rest her soul.
Carlos: I'm putting my mother in the grave. Now is not the time to pinch pennies.
Gabrielle: Carlos, we're not exactly flush with cash right now. Let her be true to her roots. She was born humble and barefoot.
Carlos: She was a queen

Think about how good men are at lying on the spot. Imagine if you gave them time and a pen

Bree

Edie: Susan, you know I try. I try to look past your flaws, your klutziness, that, that faux vulnerability, your hair, but you look for ways to push my buttons.
Susan: He just wants to buy me a burrito

Bree: Camp Hennessy. Teaches kids respect for authority and boundaries in a summer camp-like atmosphere.
Rex: The perimeter is surrounded by an electrified fence!
Bree: Well, you have to admit that's an efficient way to teach respect for boundaries

Edie [to Bill]: Your foreman said that you were out on a date with a hottie. Evidently, someone's in need of Lasik.
Susan: You tracked us down.
Edie: Oh, well, it wasn't hard. I just followed the stench of betrayal. We had an agreement, Susan.
Susan: No, we didn't. You know I just said what you wanted to hear because you guilted me into it.
Edie: I was trying to protect our already fragile friendship.
Bill: Am I in the middle of something here?
Edie: Not anymore. You... (to Susan) ...I will hate forever. And you... (to Bill) ...are fired.
Susan: Edie!
Bill: You're firing me because I'm going out with Susan?
Edie: Yes, and before you start whining that dating her is punishment enough, save it

Bree: Andrew, I need you to take out the trash.
Andrew: Sure.
Bree: Now, not five hours from now.
Andrew: I'm going, I'm going. God! Um, I'm meeting Justin at the mall tonight so I'm gonna need forty bucks."
Bree: No!
Andrew: What?
Bree: You no longer get an allowance.
Andrew: Fine. I'm not taking out the trash

Lynette: Tom, am I a bad person?
Tom: No, why would you say that?
Lynette: I don't know. I guess I just have it in my head that only bad people break up marriages and offend the handicapped.
Tom: Well, I did try to warn you.
Lynette: You did. Why do I do it? This compulsion to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I mean...
Tom: You were just looking out for your friend.
Lynette: Yeah, a lot of good it did her.
Tom: At least you tried. I admire you for that.
Lynette: Oh, please.
Tom: Hey, I'm the guy who let Dennis badmouth his wife because I was afraid of making a scene. But you, you knew it was wrong and you let him have it.
Lynette: That's me. Never afraid to create a scene.
Tom: My point is you have a strong sense of what is right and you are not afraid to act on it and I admire you for that.
Lynette: You know what I admire you for? You find a way to compliment me when you could say "I told you so". (leans over and kisses Tom. Tom signs something to her) You just signed "I told you so", didn't you?
Tom: You'll never prove it

In the Coma Ward at Sacred Heart Hospital, the dreams begin just after midnight. The pitch black of night gives way to vivid images that comfort the dreamer until the morning. Gus, the custodian, dreams of someday winning the lottery and quitting his thankless job. Howard, the security guard, envisions a luxurious retirement in the tropics. Ruth Ann, the night nurse, fantasizes about leaving her husband. But the most vivid dreams of all belong to the patient in Room 312. Yes, Juanita Solis had been dreaming steadily for five months. Sometimes of the shocking secret she had uncovered. Other times, she dreamt of the accident that had put her in the hospital. But her most common dream was the one in which she finally told her son the truth. And then one night...Juanita Solis decided it was time to wake up. Even though she knew she was about to die, Juanita didn't care. The truth was finally going to come out. Sadly for Juanita, this was one dream that would never come true.

Mary Alice

We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their daring, sometimes for their bravery, sometimes for their goodness. But mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dream of being rescued. Of course, if the right hero doesn't come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves

Mary Alice
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Desperate Housewives Season 1 Episode 17 Quotes

In the Coma Ward at Sacred Heart Hospital, the dreams begin just after midnight. The pitch black of night gives way to vivid images that comfort the dreamer until the morning. Gus, the custodian, dreams of someday winning the lottery and quitting his thankless job. Howard, the security guard, envisions a luxurious retirement in the tropics. Ruth Ann, the night nurse, fantasizes about leaving her husband. But the most vivid dreams of all belong to the patient in Room 312. Yes, Juanita Solis had been dreaming steadily for five months. Sometimes of the shocking secret she had uncovered. Other times, she dreamt of the accident that had put her in the hospital. But her most common dream was the one in which she finally told her son the truth. And then one night...Juanita Solis decided it was time to wake up. Even though she knew she was about to die, Juanita didn't care. The truth was finally going to come out. Sadly for Juanita, this was one dream that would never come true.

Mary Alice

We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their daring, sometimes for their bravery, sometimes for their goodness. But mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dream of being rescued. Of course, if the right hero doesn't come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves

Mary Alice