The Doctor: What’s the opposite of a massacre?
Bill: What?
The Doctor: In my experience? A lecture.

Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. The haddock offered him three wishes in return for its life. The fisherman said, “I’d like for my son to come home from the war. And a hundred pieces of gold.” The problem is, the magic haddock, like robots, don’t think like people. The fisherman’s son came home from the war, in a coffin. And the king sent a hundred gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series of wishes, but if your city proves anything, it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. [...] In fact, the fisherman wished he hadn’t wished the first two wishes.

The Doctor

Never underestimate the collective human ability to overlook the inexplicable.

The Doctor

Human progress isn’t measured by industry. It’s measured by the value you place on a life. An unimportant life. A life without privilege. That boy who died on the river, that boy’s value is *your* value.

The Doctor

Always remember, Bill -- passion fights, but *reason* wins.

The Doctor

Do you want to help me? Or do you want to stand here stamping your foot? Because let me tell you, I’m two thousand years old. And I’ve never had the time for the luxury of outrage.

The Doctor

If you care so much, tell me how many people you’ve seen die.

Bill

Bill: How is *that* a screwdriver?
The Doctor: In a very broad sense!
Bill: Oh, and how’s it sonic?
The Doctor: It makes a noise!

Bill: Doesn’t anybody ever notice the TARDIS?
The Doctor: Your species hardly notices anything.

The Doctor: I told you, you don’t steer the TARDIS, you reason with it.
Bill: How?
The Doctor: Unsuccessfully, most of the time.

The Doctor: Did you hear the tree squeaking when you arrived outside?
Bill: Yeah. It was the wind!
The Doctor: There wasn’t any wind...

Honestly, Doctor, there’s nothing going on! Nothing weird, nothing alien! Just an old house and a dodgy landlord, which is pretty standard for students.

Bill

Doctor Who Quotes

There's a horror movie named Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everybody keeps invading you.

The Doctor

The Doctor: It's a risk.
Graham: Oh, like none of our other trips have ever been risky.
The Doctor: I have apologized for the Death Eye Turtle Army! Profusely.