If there's one thing I hate it's losing. If there's two things I hate it's losing and getting cancer.

Kenny

Sometimes being on the mend can get old real quick. Like when you're doing all this awesome sh*t to show motherf*ckers that you're cool now. And one day, you realize that maybe the person you are truly trying to fix yourself for has moved the f*ck on. And there you are, left in the midst of a battle, that suddenly means nothing.

Kenny Powers

It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.

Kenny Powers

I mean, no offense, but you got a sh*tty job, you're not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. You have me on the other hand. I got the glory, I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, f*cking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg... Basically all the sh*t that most guys fantasize about.

Kenny Powers

Kenny: Chapter Nothing: The Fucking Epilogue.

A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.

Kenny Powers

(To his hired date) I said put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that.

Kenny

Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.

Down there I fought and fucked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.

Kenny

(To Rose) I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of time to hang out. I'll be honest with you, sometimes I forgot you even existed.

Kenny

Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.

I don't know what's going on, man. I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't even know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.

Kenny Powers

Eastbound & Down Quotes

Down there I fought and fucked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.

Kenny

It's better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans than to be strangled by no one.

Kenny