Eastbound & Down Season 1 Quotes
(To Wayne)
Kenny
I know deep within you there's a humongous set of testicles just waiting to drop down.
You wanna fight do it on your own time, in a parking lot somewhere, not in a school surrounded by books.
Kenny
Just like Neil Armstrong, I went to space, and now I'm back and nobody gives a shit.
Kenny
(To Kenny) You just look like a vagina with a mullet.
Reg
So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up.
Kenny
If there's one thing I hate it's losing. If there's two things I hate it's losing and getting cancer.
Kenny
Kenny: What are you looking at?
Paper Boy: Your hair asshole.
Kenny: Yeah, nice job making three bucks a week dipshit. Sell weed and you'll make more money.
Kenny: I need you to score me some juice.
Clegg: What do you mean? Like from the store.
Kenny: No, you idiot. Steroids!
Ashley: I don't want to be embarrassed.
Kenny: Well, you're doing a good job of that on your own just by how you fucking look.
Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.
Kenny: Man, this feels good Clegg.
Clegg: Did you take one of those black beauties? The ecstasy?
Kenny: Nah dude. This is a real job. It's not like teachin' kids. Can't get fucked up.
Interviewer: So Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?
Kenny: You mean Jew York? It's fucking great.
