Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!

Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes into a Volkswagen! (Chandler nods) Oh, I love that joke!

You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, gum would be nice, or, I'll have a stick, but no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Chandler

Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

Rachel: This is about you stealing my wind!
Ross: Your wind?
Rachel: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You, you know I... I don't, have a, have a problem with that.
Rachel: Okay, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Uh uum, um, um.
Rachel: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damn it!

You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be like, my bitches.

Phoebe

(Joey is watching "Wheel of Fortune", the letters read _OUNT RUSH _ORE)
Joey: This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore.
Chandler: You know you should really go on this show.
(Later in this scene)
Chandler: Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore.
Joey: Yeah? Then who's the guy who painted the faces on the mountain?

Monica: What's "PLEH?"
Joey: That's help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah...what's doofus spelled backwards?

Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night. Saturday night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.

Joey: (About Chandler's third nipple) I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.

Friends Quotes

Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!

Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes into a Volkswagen! (Chandler nods) Oh, I love that joke!