Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!

Monica: What's "PLEH?"
Joey: That's help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah...what's doofus spelled backwards?

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.

Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night. Saturday night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Joey: (About Chandler's third nipple) I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.

Joey: Oh yeah. Go for it, man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe. I assure you if I'm ever staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much gonna be peeing every which way.

You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, gum would be nice, or, I'll have a stick, but no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Chandler

Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.

(To Rachel) Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're going to love it!

Monica

Friends Quotes

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

Monica: What's "PLEH?"
Joey: That's help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah...what's doofus spelled backwards?