No. I can't. You're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. Ever. God, and now I can't stop picturing you with her. I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever.

Rachel

Monica: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie.
(Grabs boob from under Joey's head)
Monica: Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.

Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.

(To Phoebe, about Rachel talking to another guy) Would you look at that guy? I mean how long has he been talking to her? It's like, back off buddy, she's a waitress not a geisha.

Ross

Joey: Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples could cut glass over here.
Phoebe: Really? Mine get me out of tickets!

No, no, you're, uh, you're my lobster. See, um, lobsters, uh, in the tank when, when they're old, uh, they get with, uh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and... Uh, Pheebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?

Ross

(Joey is watching "Wheel of Fortune", the letters read _OUNT RUSH _ORE)
Joey: This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore.
Chandler: You know you should really go on this show.
(Later in this scene)
Chandler: Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore.
Joey: Yeah? Then who's the guy who painted the faces on the mountain?

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.

Chandler: Men are here!
Joey: We make fire! Cook meat!
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back!

Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!

Friends Quotes

Monica: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie.
(Grabs boob from under Joey's head)
Monica: Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.

Donald Duck never wears pants. But when he gets out of the shower he ties a towel around his waist. I mean, what is up with that?

Chandler