Friends Quotes
Rachel: We are having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good. I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as "wet-head."
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: I'll go.
Ross: So I told Carl nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody's allowed to climb on the dinosaur. Of course, this went right in...
Rachel: (Thinking) I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica: (Thinking) Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those going to become extinct?
Chandler: (Thinking) If I was a superhero that could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther: (Thinking about Ross) What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel, I wish she was my wife.
Joey: (Singing "The Baby Elephant Walk" in his head) Da dadada da da da da da duh. Da dadada da da da da da duh.
Phoebe: (Thinking) Who's singing?
Ross: I think your Dad must have added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but ya know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Delivery Man: You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Delivery Man: Sign here.
Phoebe: Do I have a middle name? (Looks at Joey who makes an "I don't know" face) All right. Monica Felula Geller.
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, okay, I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...
Monica: When did I sign for it?
Phoebe: When I was you! Ya know what? It's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Did you make brownies today?
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (To Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He, he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Rachel: (About Ross) He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor? That man couldn't get into med school in Ixtapa.
Ross: Thank you. That's what I keep saying.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross: Uh.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel: Well that's his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Rachel: And, um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross: Oh ho, please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green: Oh, my God!
Ross: Argue with that.
Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! (To Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross: I know that!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
Rachel: No.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
(To kid in race car bed) Hi. You know, in England, this bed would be on the other side of the store.
Phoebe
Rosss: My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool!
Phoebe: No, Mr. Heckles, we weren't making any noise!
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe.
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
Phoebe: Well, then I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down. (Slams the door)
Monica: Get ready for me to whip your butt!
Chandler: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool!
Ross: (His foot gets caught in the pool table's pocket while making out with Phoebe) I can't get it out.
Phoebe: That's not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: Sorry... Ow!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way...
