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I hate hospitals, William. That's why I kept voting for those death panels.


Sue: Where's the hate?
Will: Not the point of glee club, Sue.

Most teachers think that by cutting class, I might improve my grades.


Puck: Can I touch your knockers now?
Lauren: Only if you wanna lose your hand. But you're on your way.

Do dudes ever get erections when they wrestle with you?


Sam: Everything Bieber does is epic.
Artie: Truth.

There's only one "i" in diva, Rachel. And that "i" is me.


For a brief period, I was a tamborine player for Wilson Phillips.


Brittany: What is that look called?
Rachel: Sexy school girl librarian chic.

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