Dave: Whore's bath?
Penny: Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did.

Dave: I just thought it'd be better to have an actual professional, not somebody who wears a turtleneck he found on the ground.
Max: Aha! This is a mock turtleneck and I found it in the garbage.

I picked up my knitting again and you better believe I don't stick to conventional stitches.


Max: Dude I'm the Dave whisperer.
Dave: Yeah but can you do it for no money?
Max: I bartered for this outfit using only illegal Mexican candy, I think I got this.

I didn't understand the dog barking or the Puerto Rican guys playing checkers, but I have never seen you more comfortable on screen.


You know what else was a great choice? How you never had Dave say the name of the truck, it's like one of those bars that doesn't have a sign and only the cool people know about it.


You were absolutely know where Michigan is, you were an extra in 8 mile.

Brad [to Max]

It's called Hollywood, not Hollyfriends.


I went playground, you went hairband.


Damn you're one hot skinny little witch.

Brad [to Jane]

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

It's Miss Jackson if you're Va-nasty!


Happy Endings Quotes

Two things you should know about me Kent, I'm selfless and I have moves like Jagger, specifically the ones he allegedly used on David Bowie in the 70s.


You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]