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Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."

(about House) You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.

Dr. Wilson

House: Why aren't you in my office?
Dr. Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means?

House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. Quick, better mock someone.

My patient is opting into a handicap! It's an insult to all the other gimps out there.

Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.

House: So, and I see no logical way around this, if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
Dr. Chase: You're evil. See ya.

The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?

Dr. Wilson

Yeah, by all means abandon a great diagnostic theory because it's difficult to prove.

Dr. Foreman: (checking out strippers) You know what a "broken cowboy is? It was on House's list of requirements.
Thirteen: I have three theories.

Listen, two things I do well. Bachelor parties rank towards the top.

I need a 'scrip for sleeping pills. My neighbor's dog been keeping me awake, and seems strangely invulnerable to poison.

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House Season 5 Episode 22 Quotes

Amber: That might explain why you're hallucinating. Doesn't explain why you're hallucinating Wilson's dead girlfriend.
House: Probably just my secret and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom.

Amber: Aren't you curious why about why I'm here?
House: Curious why no French maid's outfit. No spanky pants.
Amber: I'm a hallucination... not a fantasy.

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