House: How often do you use your vibrator?
Carmen: Excuse me?!
House: Your battery-operated Brad Pitt.

House: Who password-protects a computer they keep in a locked desk in a locked office?
Masters: Someone who works with someone who thinks it's okay to break into other people's homes?

I want you to care about more than just what you want. What you think. You need me, House. And you may even love me. But you don't care about me. And I deserve someone who does.


I just know that I need to do something. I need her in my life. You know what it's like to actually need someone?


If porn was bad, why would there be so many nuns in it?


House: First she got mad, then I stole her computer to fix things. And then we got the case.
Mrs. Corwin: Wait, so you tried to fix your relationship by stealing her computer?
House: Well, when you say it like that... yes.

Sophie: Isn't that like sexual harassment?
House: Not if you're good-looking.

Colleen: I clearly didn't lead him along or anything like that, which proves that I'm not a tease. So why is your girlfriend mad at you?
House: I'm getting a kind of bossy vibe. I take it you're into that?
Colleen: Don't answer. Your turn.

House: They're all morons and everybody lies.
Gabe: Wait, if everybody lies, then that means you're lying right now.
House: I didn't say everybody always lies... Aristotle.

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