Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Want to come to my house and play telephone? I've got the string you've got the cans.


That is what makes you the most amazing, strong, independent woman I have ever banged.


I love you and I'm going to love the crap out of whatever kind of baby we have.


Whoa baby you're packing snow balls and you breathe smells like a mermaid's fart.


Hey hey hey hey, spiders got to die, so trees can grow.


Robin: Of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight year old girl.
Ted: Not what it sounds like, folks.

Marshall: Hey, Barney, that prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's ten thirty in the morning I don't really need to see a lady get naked and dance.
Barney: Oh Esther gets naked, but she doesn't dance... That WAS my card!

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