My sperm is fine!

Marshall

We love you no matter what. So why don't you get back in that bathroom, pretend you're in high school and "blow dry your hair."

Marshall's Dad

He's going to masturbate!

Lily

Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.

Marshall: I'll give my dad a call after Dr. Stengal gives me the thumbs up.
Ted: Ew! He has to do that?

I WISH I was the office slut.

Robin

I'm freaking out, is there a chance I won't be able to have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.

Marshall

How you doing Lily? Should I have a boner?

Barney

This is bad news; this is like a black cat walked through my uterus.

Lily

Lily: How did you do it?
Barney: Oh god you found one of the cameras.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Episode 13 Quotes

Lily: How did you do it?
Barney: Oh god you found one of the cameras.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.