How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Marshall: Ted, what does your mom always say?
Ted: Nothing good ever...
Marshall: Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m.

Ted: I hate how you're always right.
Lily: It's my best, and most annoying, trait

Come on, Lily, how many women can say that they have been personally serenaded by Korean Elvis?


Little girl: Do you have a fiancé?
Lily: Marshall was here yesterday, they just learned the word fiancé.
Robin: Oh no, I don't have a fiancé.
Little girl: Then who do you live with?
Robin: Well, actually, I've got five dogs.
Little girl: Don't you get lonely?
Robin: No, I've got fiiive dogs
Little girl: My grandma has 5 cats and she gets lonely.
Robin: Well, yea, that's cats, I'm not some pathetic cat lady, not that your grandmother is some pathetic cat lady - doeesss anybody else have questions?
Little boy: Are you a lesbian?
Robin: No! Are you!?

Marshall: Look Barney you tried I think that's great but we're going.
Barney: No! No! Come on.
Marshall: Yes!
Barney: Dude! We haven't hit legendary yet, we're only at the Le, we still got the Gen, the Da, the Ry.
Lily: Ok if were at the Le then I say we follow it up with the Tss go home.
Marshall: Oh wow you just got burned phonic style

Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?


Barney: Kids, you don't give half a brown Crayola what I do for a living, do you?
Kids: Noo
Barney: I know what you want. Magic!

Ted: I'm going over to this girl's house to make juice.
Taxicab driver: Nice!
Ted: Oh no, it's not like that, we're juicing as friends

Marshall: Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are.
Barney: That is a lie!
Marshall: It is not a lie.
Barney: Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you!
Marshall: I'll show you things you never seen before!
Barney: I used to box in the Army

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